Employment in the Time of the Donald

I’ve seen a lot of complaints over this tax bill just because it makes the rich richer and the poor poorer and without health insurance. But, the rich are stepping forward to grab the bull by the horns or to at least get their servants to grab the bull by the horns while they stand bravely next to them. They are offering jobs… and more important, security. They are hiring people to be their dogs.

As you can imagine, there are some downsides to this. Minor things such as

• You have to agree to be neutered. But, really, with no political power and no money, aren’t you already neutered?

• You have to learn and perform tricks. These tricks might be as simple as putting your legs behind your head; or, as complex as performing Tchaikovsky’s first piano concerto. Just a few things you can amuse them or their friends with.

• You shouldn’t mind having your belly scratched.

• And, when you get too unhealthy to be fun, you need to agree to be euthanized. Again, with no health care available to you, early death is pretty much a given, anyway.

Other than that, it’s just a lifetime of lying on the porch, yelling at squirrels and voiding your bowels in the rose bushes. Meals are meat and meat by-products and, from what I understand, not a speck of cereal. Frankly, it is a paradise that I do NOT want to pass up. So, I’m doing it. I’m serious…

So, if anyone needs me, I’ll be a dog…