Why Popeye is Better Than Spiderman

Popeye got his strength from touching the head of a wiffle hen… and, later from eating spinach, the finest of the leafy vegetables; Peter Parker got his strength from a lousy bug-bite.

Popeye goes by his birth name, “Popeye”. Peter Parker invented the persona of Spiderman to keep from complicating his personal life. How’d that work out?

Popeye was portrayed by the late great Robin Williams; Spiderman was played by Toby Maguire, who was later upstaged in a movie by a horse.

Popeye was too cool to hang out with the Avengers.

Spiderman leaves criminals tied up for the police with a pithy note attached to them; Popeye punches criminals onto the moon or sometimes into a low and non-sustainable orbit around the Earth.

Spiderman was nearly killed trying to stop a commuter train; Popeye punched a train in the face and killed it …

Peter Parker always falls in love with the most attractive women in his life; whereas, Popeye sees through outward appearances and is romantically involved with a manic-depressive anorexic.

Peter Parker looks out for Peter Parker; Popeye has not only adopted Swee’ Pea but he also gives hamburgers to Wimpy, the fat autistic bum that hangs around the neighborhood.

Of the two of them, only Popeye has served in the armed forces.

Peter Parker has no pets; but, it hardly matters because Popeye’s pet, Eugene the Jeep, is magic… so no pet Parker could get would compare favorably…

Among other things, Popeye has been a sailor, a shop keeper, a magician and a bridge builder. Peter Parker takes photographs for a living. You know who else can work a camera? A dog…