Whether you are at a party or just mumbling to yourself on the subway, everyone needs a conversation starter. Something to make people ponder, think or move to another seat. Here are some that have served me well:
If shoes could laugh, what do you think they would laugh at and why?
If you could sleep with anyone in the world, living or dead, would you opt for “living”?
Which historical figure would you most want to sexually abuse you? Did you say “Johann Von Goethe”? Because that’s who most people choose.
What childhood memory do you have that is most likely fabricated? What would you do if it was ALL fabricated and you are actually in a coma dreaming your life? Not much, I’d imagine…
If you were a ventriloquist and being circumcised, would you give in to the temptation to make your penis appear to scream?
What passage in the Bible do you think works best against warts?
If you knew someone was a serial killer, would you still let them shampoo your hair?
If someone offered you twenty million dollars, but you’d have to agree to shoot a sweet innocent child in the head to get it, what ammunition would you use?
If you were told that you could fill the Grand Canyon up with one species of fish, and carp was not a viable choice, when would it become obvious to you that you probably misheard?
What animal would you most like to bring back from extinction, dress in a tuxedo and ballroom dance with?
If you were a Rabbi performing a bris and the penis screamed when you applied the blade, would you rethink circumcising ventriloquists?
Looking back on your various boyfriends and/or girlfriends, which of them do you think were robots?
How likely would you be to shop naked if they store’s owner told you it was okay? Would you avoid the freezer aisle?
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
When I was still performing magic, I’d sometimes do this:
As I finished indroducing myself, I’d suddenly say, “Hey, look at that guy. What’s he doing?” while randomly looking at somebody. This works great if I have a crowed of 25 people or more.
I’m not really sure why, but it never failed to get a laugh…
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Hey! I was a magic geek, too. I can still do some slight of hand whenever an unfortunate child has to deal with me. I can do the French drop so well that I fool everyone but preverbal toddlers and dogs. For some reason, before they can talk, toddlers never seem to fall for my nonsense…
I’ve got to remember your stunt. It beats my habit of waiting until a third party comes along and stage whispering, “Shh, here he comes…”
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Magic geek here too, newly inspired by your post to learn ventriloquism…or get my rabbinic degree and be the one rabbi that isn’t fooled by the old talking penis trick.
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I’d be surprised if you weren’t, Jack. I just read your piece on shuffling cards. Did you ever even attempt ventriloquism? I sent away and got the little book and what was essentially a bird call but my lips ALWAYS moved. I really wanted to be like Paul Winchell, who was a ventriloquist and the voice of Tigger… but, dreams are meant to be shattered…
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I know! What the heck was that birdwhistle thing? The only thing I managed to do with that device was nearly swallow it. BTW here’s a really good ventriloquist I put on my site—12 years old and she is full of personality:
https://jackshalom.net/2017/12/16/thats-easy-for-you-to-say/
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The device is a bird call. You hold it on your tongue and lightly blow air over it and it basically tweets. I’ve seen them made for hunters.
The girl is pretty swell for her age. If you watch Big Bang Theory, there’s a pretty creepy part where Howard tries to embarrass Bernadette by bringing out her ventriloquist doll and some kind of weird Anthony Hopkins Magic thing takes over. I’d imagine that personality change is a real thing considering how adept one has to be…
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