“I am the LAST MAN ON EARTH”, he yelled at the sky. Little did he knew that everyone in the world was, at that very moment, standing RIGHT BEHIND HIM!!!
…”Listen carefully”, said Sergeant Hart, “The calls are coming from INSIDE YOUR HOUSE”
Anne gasped and looked down, “Oh good lord!”, she exclaimed, “I’ve been standing on him this whole time. No wonder he was threatening me”…
She told me all she wanted from our relationship was a little respect, which was the STUPIDEST thing I’d ever heard…
Little did Elna, Princess of the North, know that the mere stable-boy before her would one day rule the entire four regions despite the fact that it is a plot element in every fantasy novel written since 1975…
…”Listen carefully”, said Sergeant Hart, “The calls are coming from INSIDE YOUR HOUSE!”. There was an uncomfortable pause, then the Sergeant added, “Well… goodnight”
Dr. Franklin wiped the sweat from his upper lip. “If the organism is getting smarter, the human race is finished”. He turned to Chuck, who’d hacked into the computer network the alien had taken over. “What is he doing now?”
“He’s buying bitcoins”, Chuck replied.
Franklin breathed a sigh of relief…
The two sat waiting in the darkness for their victim to return home. Ted whispered, “I hear you have twenty-three confirmed kills in Vietnam”. Stockfield nodded. “When were you over there?”
“Last month”, replied Stockfield, adjusting the scope on his rifle. “I wandered off from the tour group and one thing led to another…”
…”Listen carefully”, said Sergeant Hart, “The calls are coming from INSIDE YOUR HOUSE”
Anne slammed the receiver down and tried to calm herself as she imagined the horrible implications. So, the caller was not interested in whether or not her refrigerator was running or if she had Prince Albert in a can…
The alien, who’d taken the form of beloved president Abraham Lincoln, replied, “We have outgrown the need for weapons and war. We have evolved beyond that”
Dr. Cleo Jefferson asked, “So, what are your people doing, now?”
“Currently, we are engaged with being wiped out by our less evolved enemies…”
Janet felt good… empowered, as she rushed to avoid being late for work. Being late would keep her from leaving in time to retrieve her children from day-care, deposit them with the baby sitter, grocery shop and go to her night job. So much empowerment…
Helen asked the soothsayer, “Will I go blind in the near future?”
The soothsayer replied, “You’ll just have to wait and see”…
Jack Steele caressed his automatic weapon as he considered the men who had slaughtered his wife and children. Suddenly, it occurred to him that maybe he should get their side of the story before rushing to vengeance; after all, his six year old could be a handful…
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
You have a similar process to Dan Brown, the key difference being that Dan Brown would have included all of the above in his final novel. And without a hint of irony. You could be sitting on a literary goldmine if you weren’t so picky – you’re your own worst enemy…
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I was about to disagree with you about being my own worst enemy and then I accidentally stuck my thumb into my eye…
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“He’s buying bitcoins” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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I liked that one, too.. Thanks.
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I loved them all, but that is the point where I completely lost it 😂
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