Desire Under the Alligators Chapters 1 – 3

[What follows is an idea for a romance novel that I came up, last year.  It is a heart-warming, sensitive piece of dreck I think the general public will eat up like the hogs that they are…  Chapters 4 – 6 are here]

Chapter 1. Sally Golimply is born in the slums of Vatican City. Her mother dies during her birth and her father dies shortly before her conception. The search for next of kin finds a cruel uncle who runs a banana plantation in Dayton. Sally moves across the ocean and lives with her uncle who, I’d like to mention again, is pretty cruel. Sally finds the work on the plantation to be grueling but she realizes it would be worse if they actually managed to produce some bananas. At the age of sixteen, she has a sexual awakening but, shortly thereafter, sexually falls asleep again. She becomes fascinated with a business associate of her uncle named “Rodney Larogue” who offers to buy his entire crop if he will betroth Sally to him on her eighteenth birthday. Upon hearing this, Sally faints…

Chapter 2: Sally’s storybook life of working on a failed banana farm in Ohio is wrought asunder when she overhears the plans to marry her off to Rodney. She resolves to run far away and lose herself where no civilized man has ever trod… so, Akron it is! Sally, without money, friends or the sense to pour urine out of a boot, finds herself living on the street. A friend tells her that the municipal government is hiring faceless bureaucrats and she decides to apply despite having a face. She is hired to fill out requisition forms for the cardboard boxes that hold all the other requisition forms. Sally finds fulfillment for the first time in her life. She starts to feel stirrings within her that she’s never felt before. This later turns out to be cholera.

Sally is fired after accidentally putting her in-box into her out-box causing her entire desk to get sucked into another dimension. As she leaves the building, she encounters Rodney who is sweaty and bare-chested after a particularly eventful cab ride from the airport. He crushes Sally in his strong manly arms and declares her to be his. Sally faints because she can’t think of anything better to do…

Chapter 3. Rodney persuades Sally to stay with him for a while, mostly by jingling his keys and cooing. She agrees to work for him at his alligator circus for one year. If she decides she does not want to marry him, he will let her leave freely with all the alligators she can carry. Sally finds that working at an alligator circus is far more strenuous than an Ohio banana plantation, especially changing the diapers on some of the older alligators. There is only one other employee at Rodney’s circus: Les Bakbone, a Canadian who, after going over Niagara Falls in a barrel, was not allowed back in. Les is a kind, intelligent and giving man which disgusts Sally, who has only known cruelty, bananas and reptiles. Les saves Sally’s life when she is grabbed by an alligator while trying to tighten its braces. Sally feels a stirring that she has never felt before… dark bitter womanly feelings that make her want to dance on top of a bar in Costa Rica. Les professes his love causing Sally to faint…