Sciences that Should be Gotten Rid of

Forestry: I’m not sure which is more surprising: That they have a special branch of science for botanists who don’t have the ability to interact with other humans; or, that ALL botanists aren’t included in that group. Usually, when someone tells you that they have a degree in forestry, the next thing they say to you is, “The main road is five miles that way”…

Cosmology: Cosmology is the study of how the universe began and will end; therefore, there will come a day when they will have figured all of that out and there will be no need for cosmologists. What would the world be like without cosmologists? Pretty much like it is now… Only you won’t have to listen to yammering on the “Big Freeze”, the “Big Crunch” or the “Big Rip”, which has the makings of an epic fart joke…

Bioethics: All the fun of biology coupled with all the fun of the systematic study of the philosophy of ethics. And, there are corporate entities that want to hire them. HOW MESSED UP IS THAT??? Bioethicists make decent wages; so, they can usually support themselves and the cosmologist that is sleeping on their couch…

Psycho-history: Developing a psychological profile on a long dead individual based upon anecdotes and their writings would be a valid field of study, if you could ever find two psychologists who offer a consistent diagnosis of the same living patient. If there were a weaker word than “guessing”, I’d liken it to that.

Astrobiology: Yeah, we’re jumping the gun here; but, why wait until we actually FIND life on other planets before we train people to analyze it.  Is it stupid to come up with an entire scientific field that has less than a half percent chance of being used in our lifetime?  The answer to that is “yes”…

Anthropology: An anthropologist’s main job is to find remote tribes in secluded parts of the world and give them diseases that they’ve never been exposed to… and t-shirts. But, it has been found that loggers can transmit disease just as effectively… with the added advantage of the fact that loggers actually work for a living.

Semiotics: I’ve been reading books and papers on semiotics for years and I still don’t know what the HELL it is. I don’t think that anyone actually does. I think it was created solely to give Umberto Eco something to do when he wasn’t writing fiction.  The only jobs I can find that require semiotics are jobs wherein you TEACH semiotics.

Library Science: We all know that libraries are just a social program to give bitter spinsters something to do during the day… well, all of us know it but the librarians. To keep it from them, we’ve had to invent “Library Science” which is about as valid as “Particle Physics of Food Courts”.

Archaeozoology: This is the study of how man and animals have interacted over time. Let me summarize: We ate them and, sometimes, they ate us.

Hydrology: The study of water is probably the safest of the sciences because I doubt anyone is going to discover anything new about it. And, there are currently a LOT of jobs for hydrologists. They primarily concern themselves with testing for water quality, which is an improvement over the old way of taking a sip and waiting to see if you die. There are even hydrology jobs that require a clearance because, sometimes, the fact that your drinking water is poisonous is a secret… shh…