Thoughts are Acorns to the Squirrels in My Head

How long do you have to wait between breaking and entering before they are considered two different charges? Like, if you kick in someone’s door, then come back a week later to rob them?

I followed the Brett Kavanaugh hearing VERY closely, heard both sides of the argument, but I still don’t think he should be Secretary of State.

The world is in dire need of “a horse walked into a bar” jokes and I, as usual, have come to the rescue:

Donald Trump and a horse walk into a bar. The horse is a lovely reddish yellow with a golden mane and tail. They find a table. Trump complains about the table and about the bar to the horse in a loud enough voice where everyone can hear it. The bartender comes over and takes their order. Trump says that he has to go to the john.

Two bookies watched the two come in and are clearly making a bet about something having to do with the new patrons. One of them walks over to the horse and says, “Excuse me. Could I ask you something?”

The horse replies, “I’m a talking horse, so I’m used to questions… shoot!”

The bookie says, “We were looking at your coloring and we made a bet. Could you tell me if you have an orange prick?”

The horse says, “I did. But, right now, he’s in the bathroom”.

I also have a horse joke involving noted neurologist Dr. Louann Brizendine… but that one has Nobel Prize in Literature written all over it…

My oldest son is taking a Master’s-level class in literary analysis so it’s just a matter of time before he’s supporting me…

My mom has a pug who is missing an eye and teeth on one side of its face… so its tongue hangs out to one side most of the time. I told her to enter her in an ugly dog contest but, upon reflection, if she DID win, EVERYBODY would be knocking out their dog’s teeth and cutting out their eyes.

Everyone in my family is a fatalist… we don’t know why, it was just destined to be…

Every Christmas season I stock up on Kumquats. I don’t like them at all; but, I feel that, if people stop eating them, they will go extinct and I don’t want that on my conscience…

I’m working on a new cereal called “MaTrix”. Rabbits still can’t eat it because it’s only for children living in a virtual reality.

Sending your dog to go get help is a sure sign that you’ve completely run out of options…