I resolve to go to work each and every day with the knowledge that Friday is no more than five days away at any time.
I promise to share my issues with loved ones so that they’ll always know how I am feeling and so they will leave me mostly alone…
I promise to watch what I eat, so no more snacking in the pitch dark.
I promise not to spend extended periods on video games.
I resolve to increase my definition of “extended period” to three days.
I resolve to exercise more such as typing this list myself rather than tell someone else to do it… which I really shouldn’t have done…
I promise to give up whatever pill addiction I might or might not have just as soon as I find a reliable heroin dealer.
I resolve to take Proust’s Remembrance of Things Past from that box in the attic and putting it in a box I have in the basement.
I resolve to find love… and if it’s those same two dogs, turning a garden hose on it…
I resolve to figure out what I do for a living.
I promise to practice “walking meditation” which consists of keeping a still and peaceful mind while I’m violently assaulting a homeless person.
I resolve to avoid non-sequiturs and to walk with marzipan.