Jim Morrison once said, “A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself”. Being friendless gives you that exact same freedom and you don’t have to remember birthdays…
I get tired of my landlord walking around like he owns the place…
I traveled far and wide to find something worth journeying around the world for. In the end, I found it in my own backyard: A dead gopher.
If you see a robot walking around saying, “Must destroy all mankind”, he’s probably joking; but, I’d pretend to be a cat or sloth until I knew for sure…
I’m just glad that I live in America where any paranoid schizophrenic ex-con with a dream can buy a semi-automatic weapon.
“The Bluebird of Happiness” is a metaphor for how elusive happiness is. The metaphor falls apart when you realize that you can collect as many bluebirds as you want with birdseed and a b b gun… unless that’s what makes you happy…
If you are a politician who gets caught in a hotel room with a prostitute, don’t explain that she is your fiance and marry her. Pretty Woman has mislead an entire generation…
I could solve world hunger in a month… at least that’s my assumption. I’d need full authority and access to a lot of food. A special name-tag would be nice…
A lot of kids are named according to what their parents worship. That is why I named my oldest, “German Potato Salad”…
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
Fiddle Didi to get more potatoes. Don’t forget to slather on some creamy white.. mayo. Maybe some seeded mustard too. I think mustard gives a nice extra tang of flavour for your tongue.
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And do NOT forget the celery seed!
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German Potato Salad – 🙂
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Ah… so you know my son?
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Hahaha… not personally – just from this side of the deli counter 🙂
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I try to live a life without regrets, but in the end, I know one of my greatest regrets will be that I never punched my landlord.
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There is still time, my friend… there is still time!
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You’re right, I just have to believe in myself!
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I was going to list my favorite quote but you’ve made this really hard. So damn honest and funny. In fact you’ve created a lovely combination.
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I describe my writing style as the smart-ass who sits in the back row of the class and makes snide remarks about what the teacher just said. I.e. I usually work off of reality as a skeleton…
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In my day, we worked on real skeletons.
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At work yesterday I saw the name Cham Chi Cum. Random, hey?
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Random doesn’t even begin to describe it…
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Coincidentally, that was the name of the stripper my first wife left me for. (full disclosure: wife status for comedic purposes only.)
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Totally different and enthusing kinda blog you have….
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The sad thing is, it SHOULDN’T be totally different. There should be other sites like mine; but, no one writes humor anymore…
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