Words that I Hate Because They are Stupid

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Faux: ‘X’ is easily the coolest letter in the English alphabet. It takes the place of three letters: “cks” and it looks like someone on train tracks trying to flag down a locomotive before it destroys his Pontiac; moreover, an ‘X’ is the legal signature of most Trump supporters. So, why nullify an exceptional letter like that by making it silent? Jealousy…

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Etymologist/Entomologist: Is it the study of word origins or the study of insects? Isn’t that the key to knowing which of them to avoid? Fortunately, there is no issue here because both are to be avoided…

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Ibis: Don’t get me wrong, I like water birds… maybe more than I should. But, “ibis” just looks like someone cut the first part of the word off.

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Inflame: There’s “appropriate” and “inappropriate”. There’s “adequate” and “inadequate”. They are clearly opposites. So, why choose to break the rules when any confusion might cause third degree burns? Because linguists are sadistic bastards.

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Sobriquet: A synonym for “nickname”. Too pretty a word for what are often monikers like “Stinky” and “Turk”…

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Forecastle: The raised deck at a ship’s bow is pronounced “Foxle”. So, in this case, the ‘X’ sound replaces “recast”. Why is there no respex for the ‘X’…

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Détente: The word for a lessening of hostilities but it sounds like a cardboard brace that an oral surgeon sticks in your mouth before he takes x-rays (pronounced “recast-rays”).

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Denouement: Is it the conclusion, the finale or the climax? No one knows. It’s just a word you use when you want to sound like a theater major to irritate your homophobic grandfather.

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Queue: Describes a line of people or an ordered series. Pronounced ‘Q’. A line of people looks nothing like a ‘Q’, unless a drum-circle spontaneously breaks out. It would make more sense to call it an ‘I’… or “ai”… or “aix”.

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Elegy: A funeral poem. If the word goes away, then maybe the practice of stepping forward at a funeral service to recite a poem that no one, including the corpse, wants to hear, will discontinue as well. It’s like writing your own vows for your wedding but a billion times worse. “He’s dead. We all loved him. Now, pay attention to ME”.

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