Freud was right about penis envy. Women did envy them in the nineteenth century because those who had them had most of the wealth, power and, of course, penises…
Never elect a president with a small penis or you may end up spending a trillion dollars on a long and hard wall at your southern border.
There are simple procedures for checking yourself for penis cancer; but, not one of them should be administered on a commuter bus.
The average penis size is 5.16 inches. The average amount of time that guys with five inch penises spend explaining to their partners that 5.16 inches is the average penis size is 112 hours over a lifetime.
Iceland has a penis museum called the Icelandic Phallological Museum. It holds nearly 240 varieties of penis, including human. Icelandic men find it comforting, somehow , to see a human penis preserved in a jar after their own genitals have frozen off…
The cutting away of the foreskin, or “circumcision” can be performed for religious reasons, health reasons or sometimes just because you spent a weekend with a cigar snipper and nothing better to do…
There are over 400 synonyms for “penis”. The most recent is “mak balore”, coined by a New Jersey man during a frenzied make-out session in the back of his brother’s Acura.
Ultrasound shows us that fetuses can have erections. This explains why so many of us have a placenta fetish.
The signal to ejaculate comes from a nerve center in the spine, so it is not controlled by the brain just like everything else associated with the penis.
Circumcision became popular in this country as a deterrent to masturbation. Medical science has since determined that even though circumcision is not a deterrent, the THREAT of circumcision with definitely make you think twice.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
I like the frankfurters and beans 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I do try to keep everything PG-13, tops…
LikeLike
Ok, but I actually meant I like the frankfurters and beans. They’re yummy
LikeLiked by 1 person
Kosher hotdogs and pinto beans used to be my poison, as a young man living alone…
LikeLike
It’s like a dirty version of my I Drink and I Know Things series, how fun! Although I’m wondering how bored you have to be to perform a self circumcision with cigar snips. Surely there was something on HBO…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sadly, Game of Thrones has influenced a lot of Queen’s Guard wannabees…
LikeLiked by 1 person
True. But it’s also given me hours of perverse viewing pleasure and some kick ass quotes. Not to mention a desire for a dragon or two to smite my enemies…
LikeLiked by 1 person
If you weren’t so busy talking to chickens you could probably convince a dragon to smite your enemies…
LikeLiked by 1 person
There’s a definite lack of employable dragons in Maine. The closest I can come is lobster, and the fear factor is considerably lower with lobster.
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Okay, lobster! Let’s roll!”
LikeLike
I wonder who measured all the penises to get the average.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Flaccid would be demeaning enough… but, when they started measuring erect, there must’ve been some heated discussions on what procedures to use…
LikeLiked by 1 person