Q. My daughter is pregnant and I’m not happy about it. What should I do?
A. Don’t worry. Your daughter’s condition should be back to normal in eight or nine months. If it isn’t, she’s probably just fat.
Q. What is a good name for a pet spider?
A. “Mr. Spider”
Q. That’s not a very inspiring name. Can you do any better?
A. Ummm… “Dr. Sardonicus”?
Q. Thank you.
Q. I have difficulty saving money. What should I do?
A. Most financial experts recommend generating three or four false identities, passing a stack of bad checks, then blowing town.
Q. Should I keep a gun in my house?
A. It depends on how likely Dr. Sardonicus is to get out of his little cage.
Q. I haven’t had sex in three years.
A. Sorry. You didn’t end with “what should I do?” so you’re out.
Q. I haven’t had sex in three years. What should I do?
A. It’s too late, you’re out. Sit over there.
Q. All this killing and violence: When will it end?
A. When you stop teaching high school.
Q. I’ve been at the same job for twenty years and I feel my skill set is becoming obsolete. What should I do?
A. Who are you and how did you get into my house?
Q. Should I vaccinate my children? Aren’t there bad side effects?
A. Definitely. For example, one of the most common side effects of the small pox vaccine was THAT YOU DIDN’T GET SMALL POX!
Q. They told me and told me, but I wouldn’t listen. Now I’m into it up to my pretty neck. What should I do?
A. Oh, hell I don’t know… be true to yourself, maybe eat fewer carbohydrates… put yourself in the other guy’s shoes… maybe get out of the house more often, maybe eat out somewhere… but, not that dump near the highway. Go to that dump three miles north of the real dump. The rolls are better… Do NOT use the outdoor seating…
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
He was a nice chappie? When do we get to ask questions?
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Do you think I should leave questions to my readers? That would be interesting if I could get enough of them…
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Really? Gee I thought we’d spoken about this belittling ourself before? Do I need to come over there and give you a wack???
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I feel that the danger of that is pretty remote. Are there even airports in Australia?
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Sardonicus 🙂
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Old horror movie guy…
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ah I see..nice name though
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This should definitely be opened for readers questions. A twisted Dear Abby… what could go wrong?
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Well, you and Deb have convinced me. Before doing another one of these, I’ll put out a call for questions…
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You mean Dr. Sardonicus will…
Please. If you can’t stay in character, all will be lost.
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All has been lost for quite some time, now. I’m just trying to give it an air of normalcy…
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It’s not your strong point. Better to move on…
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I love his picture and would take everything he said very seriously 🙂
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Just remember: He isn’t like other dogs. Everything he does has an ulterior motive… so, more like a cat…
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Ohhhh, clever little guy is falling on his cuteness. Message received
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Where should I put my feet?
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At the very end of your legs, of course…
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But… But… Which restaurant SHOULD I choose?
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The one that the squirrels and cats don’t instinctively avoid…
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That sounds counterintuitive.
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It’s a Zen restaurant…
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