Why Living to a Million Would be Bleak Indeed

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“Say g’night, Gracie”

When lit, the candles on your birthday cake can be seen from the asteroid belt.

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If you want a partner more mature than you are, you’ll have to settle on a mountain range.

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999,950 years of rheumatism…

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Your driving ends up being so bad that, on days you take the car out, flags are preemptively flown at half-mast.

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Your great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandchildren never call or write because the human race has been pretty much extinct for nine hundred thousand years.

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Your pet Galapagos tortoises keep dying of old age.

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You remember back when men were men, women were women and the laser-snakes had yet to be unleashed upon the world.

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The only ones interested in listening to you ramble on about the “good ol’ days” are paleontologists.

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You were there for the rise of the terminators and their inevitable defeat by the laser-snakes.

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You pray for death… then, you get distracted and pray for cinnamon buns because DAMN YOU CINNABON!!!

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 You planted a tree as a seedling when you were a kid living in a small town and, every once in a while, you like to visit the glacier-filled crater where the town once stood.

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20 thoughts on “Why Living to a Million Would be Bleak Indeed

  1. “If you want a partner more mature than you are, you’ll have to settle on a mountain range.” and “The only ones interested in listening to you ramble on about the “good ol’ days” are paleontologists.” had me chuckling out loud 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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