When lit, the candles on your birthday cake can be seen from the asteroid belt.
If you want a partner more mature than you are, you’ll have to settle on a mountain range.
999,950 years of rheumatism…
Your driving ends up being so bad that, on days you take the car out, flags are preemptively flown at half-mast.
Your great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandchildren never call or write because the human race has been pretty much extinct for nine hundred thousand years.
Your pet Galapagos tortoises keep dying of old age.
You remember back when men were men, women were women and the laser-snakes had yet to be unleashed upon the world.
The only ones interested in listening to you ramble on about the “good ol’ days” are paleontologists.
You were there for the rise of the terminators and their inevitable defeat by the laser-snakes.
You pray for death… then, you get distracted and pray for cinnamon buns because DAMN YOU CINNABON!!!
You planted a tree as a seedling when you were a kid living in a small town and, every once in a while, you like to visit the glacier-filled crater where the town once stood.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
Thanks for spoiling my dream 😯
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It’s my job, Deb!
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And Donald Trump is still refusing to leave the White House… depressing indeed.
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I think the laser snakes would get him eventually…
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Any way we could deploy them now…?
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If my package from Edmund Scientific Company arrives, it should only be a few months…
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“If you want a partner more mature than you are, you’ll have to settle on a mountain range.” and “The only ones interested in listening to you ramble on about the “good ol’ days” are paleontologists.” had me chuckling out loud 🙂
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That’s because you don’t have a paleontologist sitting on your couch waiting for you to describe what a condor looked like…
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Yes 999,920 years of being a wrinkled old prune. I think not.
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It worked for John Hurt…
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Yeah, but he was a guy.
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Half a million will be half bleak, and so on..if one goes on with the series one will end up dying happy.
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Life is definitely a converging sequence…
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Add this line to your meme list, post memes on Insta and become a celebrity. or are you already..
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Who wants to be famous when obscurity is so rewarding?
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Glad I’m getting out of the glacier-filled (Whatever happened to global warming?), laser-snake-infested regions, because I plan on living MUCH longer than that. 😉
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Ah, but the longer you live, the more curious you’ll be about dying…
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Nope. I will have already “been there, tried that.” Read your Bible. 🙂
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Then, I wish you a happy and freakishly long life!
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Thanks. It’s too late for me to have a short one. Just sayin’ … 😉
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