What to do When You Encounter a Bear

Posted on by masercot

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Running from a bear will cause it to assume that you are prey.  Only run from a bear if you are traveling with someone much slower than you are.

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As you walk through the woods, let the bear know that you are a person rather than prey.  Speak in a loud clear voice so the bears know that you are a member of the species that is destroying their habitat.

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Carry bear pepper spray with you. because nothing makes as much sense as causing searing agonizing pain in a one-ton unstoppable killing machine.

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Make yourself look as large as possible.  Raise your arms above your head or eat six pies the day before.

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If attacked by a bear, assume a fetal position, because bears are afraid of fetuses…

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Don’t go into the woods alone if you can help it.  Take a group of friends, hopefully one of which is either slower than you are or looks like a fetus.

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If you are menaced by a bear speak in low soothing tones.  Above all, avoid giggling…

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Try to avoid places that bears live… like caves or the state of Wyoming…

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A mother bear with cubs is liable to attack if she thinks you are a threat to her cubs or the cubs’ father.

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If all else fails, fight hard with everything you’ve got because all that combat will give the bear an appetite.

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An injured bear can be VERY dangerous. If you must kill a bear, try to do so without hurting it…

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22 thoughts on “What to do When You Encounter a Bear”

  4. “Only run from a bear if you are traveling with someone much slower than you are.” and “because nothing makes as much sense as causing searing agonizing pain in a one-ton unstoppable killing machine.” made me laugh 🙂 Another fun morning read

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  7. See as how all bears have bear feet, I would carry a large keg of nails and broken glass with me on hikes into bear country, scatter them between me and any threatening bear, and laugh my fool head off while the bear jumped up and down trying to pull the nails and shards from his feet.

    On second thought, make that a keg of beer — if I don’t run into any bears, I can’t drink a keg of nails and broken glass. Why take that chance?

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