How Can I Help my Local Public School?

Volunteer!  Schools are always looking for volunteers.  If there’s no one doing it, you could volunteer to be the principal. I volunteered to be a student but they told me they already had enough of those…

Join the PTA:  What has all the drama of a homeowner’s association meeting and all the futility of trying to teach a basketball to sing?  A PTA meeting.  Stand up and make your opinion known.  Sure, you sound crazy… you may actually BE crazy… but, (and, I know nothing about you) you won’t be the craziest person there…

Donate Computer Equipment:  Nearly everyone has a computer that they no longer use.  Donate it to the school’s computer class… or, if you forget to erase your hard drive, sex education class.

Vote!  If your school board is elected, make sure that you understand the issues affecting your community and choose the board member most likely to cave when you complain about your child’s grade or a teacher’s sexual orientation…

Organize a field trip to your place of work.  Because not every child gets a chance to watch an autopsy.

Get to know your child’s teacher.  What are her likes and dislikes?  Where was she educated?  Sometimes, you have to know a person pretty well before you can rationalize a good reason to hate her guts.

Set an example:  Spend your free time watching television, smoking dope and playing video games so that, when your child rebels as a teenager, he will study and focus on his education.

If your child is having issues with a subject that you are unfamiliar with, remember:  There are creepy old men who will tutor them for free… and they can usually be found near the ball-pit at nearby McDonalds.

If your school needs help with a field trip, offer to act as a chaperon.  You’ll be able to keep an eye on your child and his interactions with peers; moreover, you’ll get to see an autopsy, if you’re lucky…

If there is a topic that you are an expert in, offer to talk to students about it.  But, if your expertise is in hiding your problem drinking or fencing stolen laundry detergent, you might want to keep it brief and questions afterwards even briefer.