Hold a pendulum over the abdomen of your significant other. If the ball moves in a circle, she’s going to have a girl. If it moves in a straight-line, it will probably be a boy. If the pendulum gets slapped violently out of your hand, she’s not pregnant and you are on thin ice, pal…
Count the nuts in a Snickers bar. If there are an even number of peanuts, you will have a good day. If the number is odd, you will have a bad day. If the number of peanuts is zero, you’ve got a Milky Way bar.
Clear your mind and listen to the second person that you envision. Why the second? Because the first will be Tom Hanks and he doesn’t have time for your nonsense.
Check the fur on an angora rabbit. If the fur grows in sparsely, expect a mild winter. If the fur grows in thickly, expect a harder winter. If the rabbit has no fur at all and is frozen solid, it is probably tomorrow’s dinner so LEAVE IT ALONE.
The letter-shaped pieces in your bowl of Alphabits can predict what kind of day you’ll be having. If you are eating the cereal, your day already sucks.
Watch Big Bang Theory and every time one of the characters, who have had sex more times on the show than I’ve had the last ten years, calls himself a dateless nerd, drink a shot of vodka. Oh, you wanted clairvoyance? Okay, I predict a hell of a hangover, tomorrow…
You can predict a person’s future by feeling the contours of their body. At least, I assume you can.
Take a silver dime and soak it in holy water for a week. Then, when you have a question, flip the coin. Sadly, it doesn’t work with yes-or-no questions…
Put yourself in a deep psychic trance using the medication in your grandmother’s medicine cabinet. Find your spirit animal. It will be your guide in that alternate and terrifying dimension that will turn out to be the overpass near your home.
Wait for something to occur and claim that you “knew that was going to happen”. If they call you a liar, predict their future by feeling the contours of their body…
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
Of someone tried to feel the contours of my body I predict they would get a black eye or a picture of Tom Hanks 😊
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Yeah… I haven’t had much luck with that one…
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Black eye or bruised ego?
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I’ve NEVER had a black eye. I have, however, had a busted nose…
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My spirit animal is a wombat. Need I say more?
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If you said that to me on the subway, my inclination would be to move to a different car…
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And rightfully so…
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The first one and then the Alphabits one really made me laugh. Fun morning read 🙂
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Thanks, Robyn. I wasn’t sure about the Alphabits one…
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You made me smiles on a very day. 😄
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That’s why I do it, Cynthia. I enjoy when people laugh… even have been known to attend certain movies just to hear the laughter of the audience.
Thank you for reading…
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Do you think it counts if someone found their spirit animal on Craigslist?
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What makes you think people don’t?
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I don’t know, it just doesn’t seem to be the traditional route. I’m only asking for a friend of mine, by the way. He’s meeting a dude under an overpass and bringing cash. The only description I got of the creature is “impressive wingspan.”
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I find that people use Craigslist to get rid of illicitly obtained condors. Tell your friend to be careful and check the UPC symbol on the animal’s stomach…
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So, here’s a quick update. I went prepared, I mean my friend went prepared, with leather gauntlets, goggles, a barcode scanner and cash. Something seemed fishy right away, the guy was there under the overpass with no condor in sight. I really didn’t want to leave empty handed wearing leather gauntlets, so I played along, exchanged the cash for what he said was condor bait and he told me to wait. He said he was going over the underpass to release the condor. It’s now 45 minutes later and I don’t think this condor is showing…
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Give it time. Like all scavenging birds, the condor like to be “fashionably late”…
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