Still More Medical Advice From a Terse Llama

Posted on by masercot

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Dear Terse Llama

I had an appendix removed last year.  When the hospital realized that I was there for knee surgery, they hastily put an appendix back in; however, it was a MURDERER’S appendix.  Consequently, I feel the desire to kill deep in my intestinal area.  It isn’t enough to make me actually kill; however, if one of my friends is going to kill someone and they ask me to “come with”, I’ll usually do it.  How can I get this evil organ removed?

Killer in Maniller

Dear Killer,

Appendices cannot be possessed by evil spirits.  You probably ate a squash or coconut without saying grace and have a squash-demon.  Just drink half a cup of holy water with a detergent pod dissolved in it and try to avoid solids for a while.  Good luck.

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Dear Terse Llama,

If find myself incapable of having a physical relationship with a person. The courtship usually is a pleasant process; however, when it turns physical, my lover usually breaks things off pretty quickly. Is it my looks? I enclose a photograph…

Phorlorn in Phoenix

Dear Phorlorn,

Your problem is not that you lack personality or charisma. Judging from your photo, your problem is that you are a cactus.

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Dear Terse Llama,

My doctor never told me not to feed my children entirely on candy and snack cakes. Now they each have diabetes. Should I sue my doctor?

Mad in Islamabad

Dear Mad,

I recommend suing your doctor if only to amass the cash you’ll need when your children get around to suing you.

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Dear Terse Llama,

I’ve got gangrene in one of my toes. Going to the doctor might be difficult for me due to the fact that I am binge-watching Boardwalk Empire for the foreseeable future. What is the maximum amount of time I can wait before I HAVE to see a doctor?

Busy Lizzie

Dear Lizzie,

It really depends on what size prosthetic leg you want to end up with. I prefer the ones that start at the thigh, personally. So, watch your show, keep your feet elevated, take a lot of aspirin and, above all, DON’T REPRODUCE.

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Confidential to I-Touched-a-Dead-Squirrel-and-Now-I-Think-I’ve-Got-Rabies,

I recommend French fries and cotton balls… but you probably will never qualify to become an astronaut…

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15 thoughts on “Still More Medical Advice From a Terse Llama”

      1. Well I stuffed up at work but my boss ended up apologing to me. I stopped a man getting killed by three guys at the front of my house and my push bike got stolen but my daughter saw the person on it later in the day, chased him down and put him under citizen arrest 😊

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Published by masercot