Frozen solid and hit with a hammer, he died a broken man…
If you have an harmonica, you are never truly alone… until you start playing it…
Do what you like to me; but, I won’t put up with ANYONE hurting my children unless they have a fairly reasonable explanation for doing so…
Brevity is the soul of wit; but, if you can drone on for forty-five minutes about your colon surgery, you just might get the whole couch to yourself…
I got a patent on urination so everyone in the world has to ask me before they can urinate. I don’t want money. I just want them to raise their hands and wait for permission.
I’ve sorted my friends by color so I’ll know which tie to wear when they visit.
Viagra is a miracle drug. It started as an angina medication which had a side-effect of a powerful and lengthy erection; later, it became an erectile dysfunction drug which had the side-effect of treating angina.
To stop trafficking in feathers and other body parts, the U. S. Government has a National Eagle Repository, for storing the bodies of American Eagles. We also have a National Cow Repository, but that’s just a butcher shop.
If you find lipstick on your husband’s collar, it may not be an indicator of an affair; he might just know some woman who really loves shirt collars…
What’s the difference between an apothecary and an actuary? An apothecary mixes chemicals to help you live longer and an actuary can give you odds on how well he’ll do at it…
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
So if I said your kids were threatening to play the harmonica to me would that suffice??? PS – Urination isn’t a real word, its your a nation mate
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You cannot spell “misspell” without pee…
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Oh your clever today well I can be clever too. Wong. 😜
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You are always clever, Deb.
Hey, I got a copy of the anthology with my story in it. It’s kind of an anticlimax because all I care about is what I’m working on now; but, I’m still pretty proud…
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I have a patent on defecation, but I wouldn’t stink of asking everyone in the world for permission before they can defecate — too many people are already full of shit.
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Hold onto to that patent, though. You never know when it’s going to hit the fan…
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The harmonica is a much maligned instrument. Personally, I think we should start a band… bloggers are full of hot air so it should be smashing success.
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I like to think that I’m the exception to that rule…
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Good. You can take lead harmonica!
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I can bend a note like a champ…
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The harmonica was another one of those stupid parting party gifts someone gave one of my kids – I steered clear of the entire floor any child was on when they were just making that thing screech. It was a good joke though – the butcher shop cracked me up too 🙂
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I can actually PLAY the harmonica and I still know how annoying it is…
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I love me a good shirt collar.
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How’re you feeling, Chelsea?
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A bit worse off than the collar, but I can do a little more each week…
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Original thoughts, original humor, that’s why I come here. Ever thought of taking the stage at an open mike comedy night? You might have a future…unless the ex wants all your income!
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My voice is kind of reedy, so I seldom read my own stuff out loud. I’m thinking of finding a cartoon horse to read it. The reason I post is because I couldn’t find any humor sites with original humor… just gifs and the same jokes over and over.
My ex and I actually get along. I had her over for Thanksgiving dinner because I didn’t want her to spend it alone. She’s a pain in the ass but no longer MY pain in the ass…
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LOL! You write the shit and I’ll take the stage, reedy, raspy, whatever! Being in front of an audience is the most joy you’ll ever experience with your clothes on! I’ve done it! But…that was back in the day…
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You know, after I finish the book I’m working on, that might be a decent project. I’ve always wanted to write a forty-five minute routine…
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That second one sounds like something my harmonica-playing husband would say about himself.
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Well, my dog complained more than my ex-wife…
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When I clutched my chest, my wife said I had acute angina. I said thanks, yours is cute too.
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Maybe I should’ve said something along those lines rather than what I did say…
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