This Day in History: March 5th

On March 5^th, 363 A.D.E, the Roman emperor Julian woke up his army and left Antioch, after finishing most of their beer, sleeping on their couch and breaking a vase that had great sentimental value. Julian was on an offensive against the Sasanian Empire, located in what presently Iran. His plan was to create a pincer movement by joining up with his ally, Armenian Prince Arshak. Arshak never showed and, since then, no Italian has ever trusted an arshak. Injured in a skirmish, Julian succumbed to his injuries and surrendered to the magical fun that was Disney on Ice…

Julian was succeeded by his second in command, Jovian, who spent most of his eight month reign retreating back to Antioch and being hated…

On this day in 1931, the Gandhi-Irwin Pact was signed, removing the tax on salt in British-occupied India. This was a major victory for India, its national congress and anyone who was partial to french fries…

On March 5^th in 1933, Hitler’s party received over forty percent of the vote in the Reichstag Election, easily defeating opponents whose platforms didn’t include world domination, arson and beatings. Later, the Reichstag voted to give Adolf Hitler the power to make laws without them, just in case they were all sick or out at the lake when a bill came up. Hitler enjoyed nearly a decade as dictator of Germany mostly because, with all the drugs he took, he enjoyed nearly everything…

Falsetto twerp Andy Gibb was born on this day in 1958, too cool to be seen with Robin, Barry and Maurice. Although his high pitched voice was much like that of his brothers in the Bee Gees, he decided on a solo career because the four brothers, singing at the same time, created a sound fatal to dogs and parakeets.

American Indian actor Jay Silverheels died on this day in 1980, the last of the Mohicans. Silverheels started as a stuntman and as an extra on movie sets. Eventually, he was given the part of Tonto, the Lone Ranger’s sidekick in the television series. The shooting schedules were brutal but Jay Silverheels always had his lines memorized… mostly because his lines consisted of “Mmm, what we do now, Kemosabe?”

Learn from Lei Feng Day is on March 5^th and I think we could all do with a little learning. Lei Feng was a Chinese revolutionary who died young and was then used by Mao as a propaganda tool. Think of him as a Marcus Aurelius who, instead of promoting stoicism, promotes blindly giving your life to the state. Sample quote: “There is a limit to one’s life, but no limit to serving the people. I would devote my limited life to limitlessly serving the people.” This day is celebrated in whatever limitless way the state tells you to.