A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office and says, “My elderly grandmother thinks she’s Superman”
The doctor says, “Why don’t you bring her in?”
And, the man replies, “She keeps flying away”
A woman walks into a psychiatrist’s office and says, “My husband thinks he’s a zebra”
The doctor replies, “Bring him in, I can probably fix him”
The woman says, “No way, he is essential to the savanna’s ecosystem”
“Doctor, doctor! I think I’m losing the ability to conceive time”
“How long have you felt this way?”
“Since tomorrow!”
“Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that someone’s following me”
Picks up phone, “Hold all my calls and tell anyone who shows up in the lobby that he’ll be out in about an hour”
A woman walks into a psychiatrist’s office and says, “My husband thinks he’s a cat”
The doctor motions for her to sit down. “That’s awful. I’d imagine the worst part is seeing someone you love descend into madness”
The woman replies, “No, the worst part is cleaning the litter box”
“Doctor, I know it’s weird, but I feel like snakes are growing out of the top of my head. Can you recommend something?”
“A hat”
“Doc, I’m so depressed, I can’t even get out of bed”
“Is it affecting your job?”
“Not at all”
“Odd. What do you do for a living?”
“I’m a prostitute”
“I’m afraid you have bipolar disorder”
“Oh, that’s okay. I can get through it. I’m pretty optimistic about that”
“Good. That’s very encouraging”
“SCREW YOU, DOCTOR!”
“I have to diagnose you as having delusions of grandeur”
“I don’t recall giving you permission to diagnose me at all”
“Doctor, you’ve got to help me. My wife thinks that she’s invisible”
“What a nut! Okay, can you bring her in?”
“She’s right beside me…”
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
They definitely have that ‘classic’ feel to them. I laughed at them all though, which is essentially the point of jokes as I understand them.
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I got started doing this because I realized that there were no new jokes. The internet had KILLED humor…
We bring it back, eh?
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The prostitute one was the best 😊
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Nothing better than a good crazy prostitute joke…
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So true 🥰
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How are you doing, Deb?
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After those jokes, you might want to wear that and quietly slink away…
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I have not yet BEGUN to post bad jokes!
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I have a favorite doctor joke that the kids hate at this point (I have a tendency to over tell a joke – post about doctors again, and you will see). So, a guy walks into his doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I need help! I keep having this dream. I’m a tee-pee then a wigwam. A teepee, a wigwam, teepee, wigwam. I can’t figure out what wrong with me!” The doctor says, “That’s easy. You’re two tents.”
……Get it? Anyway, great list. Yours made me laugh. Mine is unoriginal, I read it somewhere – but it really stuck. The husband cat one may stick as well.
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I have told that same joke. I thought it was great. My audience, on the other hand, reacted like your children.
No accounting for taste, eh?
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I hate being bipolar. It’s great!
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Lol!
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The litter box. the prostitute, coffee snorts.
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I’ll take coffee snorts!
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Trump thinks he’s Superman AND has delusions of grandeur. Now, if we could only make him invisible.
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You can’t stop Trump: He knows what a camel is.
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We can get over the hump on Nov. 3 but we can’t get out of the desert until Jan, 20 (if then).
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The country might have to insist that he leave.
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