Finished Meal? Forgot Wallet?

Harvest tips from the other tables until you get enough to pay for the meal, a decent tip and maybe a movie.

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Tell the manager that, if he lets you leave without paying, you’ll recommend his establishment to all of your friends, who will probably also show up without their wallets.

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The Philosopher’s Stone was a legendary object that could turn base metals into gold… so, if you’ve got one, this would be the time to break it out and use it…

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Offer, as payment, to star in the rock video or sex film of their choosing, to be filmed perhaps in the kitchen or pantry. Sure, it’ll be humiliating, but it’ll also be another credit for your IMDB page.

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If you can find a notary, declare Chapter 11 bankruptcy when your waitress brings the bill.

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Go to the bar and try to sell someone your socks.

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Quickly sketch a one hundred dollar bill. If it helps, Benjamin Franklin looks like your grandfather if he were impersonating your grandmother.

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Tell the waitstaff, the manager and anyone who will listen that you are a sovereign citizen and you are a shadow corporation formed by a little known loophole involving the Constitution not being printed on recycled paper. This way, no one will feel sorry for you when the police come and just tase the living daylights out of you.

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Fake a heart attack. When you get to the emergency room and they ask for your insurance number, fake a seizure.

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If you are on a date, go to the bathroom when you think the bill is about to come. Wait until the server starts to uneasily ask your date if she can pay. Storm out, exclaiming that you’ve been throwing up in that bathroom for the past fifteen minutes and you come out and find them harassing your date. If their embarrassment doesn’t get you out of the bill, tell them that your date is a sovereign citizen and make a run for it.