Getting to Know Me

What is your favorite sleeping position? Lying down.

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Do you have any pet peeves? No, but I’ve noticed that feral peeves keep getting into my trash cans.

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If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Steak stuffed with shrimp served on an apricot danish.

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What was the last thing you read? The word “else”…

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What song always gets you to the dance floor? Taps.

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If you could have any pet, what would it be? A giant otter with a clock in his belly.

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How would your ten year old self react to what you are now? My ten year old self would see what I’ve become, throw himself off a cliff and, if he lived, crawl up the cliff-face and try again.

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Do you have a “five year plan”? No, but I’ve got four more years to develop one.

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What is your motto? “You’ll never take me alive, coppers!”

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If you could just snap your fingers and make the world a better place, how would you do it? Poorly.

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Have you ever lost a friend? Yes, in the dryer. Found him in the lint basket with two of my socks.

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How do you define “beauty”? Differently, depending up which woman asked me.

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If you could time travel, to when would you go? To the 1950s for a sirloin steak. If I had time, I’d visit Jane Mansfield and warn her about her driving.

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What is your idea of the perfect date? An intellectual discussion of philosophical movements followed by verbal abuse and a forced tattooing…

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If you found out today was your last day on Earth, what would you do? Find the person responsible and kill them…