The Dark Arts: Facts about Rembrandt

Rembrandt at the Rijksmuseum | Apollo Magazine

Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn is considered one of the greatest visual artists of all time… only surpassed by that guy who drew Calvin and Hobbes

Rembrandt never left the Dutch Republic during his lifetime. After his lifetime, they stopped watching him and he could’ve easily slipped out of Holland.

Rembrandt was born with the name “Rembrant”. He added the silent ‘d’ in 1633 because he’d gotten it as a birthday present a few years earlier and didn’t know what to do with it.

Geertje Dircx sued Rembrandt for breach of promise in 1649 but the suit was put on hold until the presiding judge could figure out how to pronounce her name…

Ultimately, Dircx won the suit but, in retaliation, was put into a mental institution for five years. This is what historians call a “Pyrrhic Victory”…

Rembrandt’s The Night Watch has been vandalized by the insane twice during the twentieth century. A fifth of the painting was cut away so that it would fit the wall in its second home. It is his most famous painting due to its staying power. Monet’s Water Lilies would’ve given up after the first stabbing…

Rembrandt’s The Night Watch was slashed with a knife and sprayed with acid in two separate incidents. Rembrandt’s Danae was both slashed with a knife and sprayed with acid in a single incident because SOME PEOPLE CAN MULTITASK…

Saul and David, a painting by Rembrandt, was cut in two by an art dealer who thought he could get more money selling the two pieces. The two pieces were reunited but backwards so the name of the painting was changed to David and Saul

Of more than three hundred paintings attributable to Rembrandt, there is only one eagle depicted and that eagle is abducting a toddler. It’s stereotyping and stereotyping is WRONG…

Rembrandt was buried in a pauper’s grave. The pauper was reportedly pretty miffed.

22 thoughts on “The Dark Arts: Facts about Rembrandt

  1. I stared at that lady’s name trying to figure out how to say it, gave up, and then read the joke was the name. Cracked me up 🙂 That is one heck of a name!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My paintings have never been stolen OR vandalized. Actually, they’ve never been painted. It’s just my way of saving desperate would-be art thieves and vandals from temptation. But now I’m painting myself into a corner with this comment, so suppose I just brush off the whole thing, and Gogh.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I think he would have been a great Instagrammed. I mean just imagine not only the quantity of posts he’d do but the amount of comment’s he’d inspire

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I wonder if the first ‘Dircx’ only learnt a few letters, thereby shortening his family’s esteemed ‘Dirccenhøllingsberg’ to the sad, short version it was in Rembrandt’s day.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Maybe they shortened it at Ellis Island and she forgot to unshorten it after she went back to Holland and the seventeenth century…


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