[It’s been great writing for you folks, this year. I want to wish all of you Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. I might post some next week but, in case I don’t, Happy New Year as well]
A great gift for a boy is a baseball glove; but, if you give one as a gift, remember to set aside about forty-five minutes to explain to him what baseball is…
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Remember: A dead tree in your living room CAN be a fire-hazard. This message has been brought to you by the National Institute of Telling You Stuff You Really should Already Know.
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The uncle who keeps trying to get everyone to sing carols is the same one who doesn’t want everyone to talk and compare notes on how much he borrows from each of you.
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Remember that, at a young age, your child trusts you more than he or she ever will in her whole life; so, take advantage of this by convincing them that a magic Jerry Garcia impersonator with flying reindeer will bring them gifts.
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If you wake up and Santa is putting your valuables into one of your pillow cases, chance are that he’s a burglar or Mrs. Claus went on a binge in Atlantic City.
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If you leave milk and cookies for Santa Claus, you are sure to get a nice dolly or a baseball glove (whatever the hell THAT is). If you leave him carrot sticks, he’ll give you socks; if you leave him gluten-free vegan cookies, he will leave you a trigonometry textbook and have your knees broken.
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By the way, children don’t believe you when you tell them about Santa Claus. That’s why it is so TERRIFYING to them the first time they meet Santa Claus at the mall. Because, if HE’S real, then the woods really ARE filled with cannibal witches and talking wolves…
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Speaking as an old guy, a perfect gift for someone my age is the gift of FAMILY. Six hours later, I also appreciate the gift of family getting into their cars and leaving in a timely manner.
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Best Christmas movie: Miracle on 34th Street. Worst Christmas movie? Cannibal Holocaust.
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For a real taste treat, have eggnog on Christmas. Eggnog is what milk would be if cows had been designed by alcoholics…
As much as I support alcoholic cows… I can’t abide eggnog.
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Even homemade?
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🤢
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Best Christmas movie is The Muppet Christmas Carol.
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Does The Muppet Christmas Carol have the ACTUAL Santa Claus assault a man with his cane? In Miracle on 34th Street, Santa is one bad dude! Even the Post Office won’t cross the man…
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Remember the great Bob Newhart bit about baseball?
Happy holidays , Charles!
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I LOVE Bob Newhart! Happy Holidays, Jack!
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Excellent piece, thanks for that! I offer in exchange ‘Who’s on first?‘ 🙂
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Is that the frustrated Baltimore Orioles fan coming out? I feel your pain, but not even Santa can help them.
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Well, it’s them or the Nationals…
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Happy holidays to you and yours!! 🎄
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Thank you… and the same to you…
…and, I hope to continue seeing your weekly quotations, next year!
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It’s a date! 😉
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“your child trusts you more than he or she ever will in her whole life, so, take advantage of this by convincing them that a magic Jerry Garcia impersonator with flying reindeer will bring them gifts.”
I plan on addressing this “passing on the lies” soon…if i can muster my writing Chi once again…but don’t hold your breath…
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Please! Do muster!
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Thank you for the encouragement…
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MIRACLE ON 34th STREET (1947) was re-made at least two times, but like most re-makes, wasn’t nearly as good. My favorite Christmas movie is REMEMBER THE NIGHT (1940), which was so good, no one even tried to re-make it (or, more likely, didn’t think they could capitalize on it). .
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I’ll keep that one in mind, fellow old movie viewer. Merry Christmas!
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Santa C. and I send
Same to you, friend:
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Merry Christmas Charles. I hope you have a great one and Terse Llama blesses you with the ability to really ignore those old Christmas movies 🙂
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Merry Christmas, Deb. Will next year be great? Only Beau knows!
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Beau’s retiring, so nobody knows 🙂
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Thick, rich alcoholic cows. Mmmmm.
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Where do you think Bailey’s comes from?
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Ireland?
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