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Weak Threats

If you don’t tell me what I want to know, I’m going to have my friend, Boris here, punch me in the testicles. I’m going to get a lawyer and SUE YOU for .02 percent of everything you own! I’m warning you: Stay out of my way or I’m gonna have to veer to the […]

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Things I am Grateful For

I’m thankful that I don’t have a neck because it keeps people from inviting me to tennis matches. I’m thankful for the food I eat, the water I drink and the motel towels that I steal… I’m grateful for my children and promise to be even more grateful should one of them become a billionaire. […]

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I Feel Motivated to Demotivate

Tomorrow is another day. On the other hand, yesterday was also another day and look how badly you screwed that up. Do your best at everything you try so that, when you fail, you have literally no options. All of your dreams can come true if your dreams consist of dying penniless in a gutter […]

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A Pretty Girl is Like Melody

[Another challenge from ISCRIBLR.  The word is “melody”, which I misread to “malady” and produced a light opera on the subject.  You’ll have to be satisfied with this:] To say that Melody was a pretty girl was an understatement; however, to say she was a very pretty girl was an overstatement. Her attractiveness was in […]

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Is Salma Hayek a Werebear?

[In my effort to bring you hard hitting articles on conspiracies that hide just beneath the surface of our lives, I bring you this one:  Does Salma Hayek turn into a brown bear when the moon is full?  Truth is stranger than fiction] Salma Hayek is five foot two; but, when she stands on her […]

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