Books By Successful Authors that Failed Utterly

The Da Vinci Cod by Dan Brown: Symbologist Robert Langdon scours the western world for a fish whose face looks like the Mona Lisa. The fish supposedly grants wishes. A shadowy albino character also seeks the elusive magic fish… with the intent to KEEP WISHING FOR MORE WISHES. The climax of the book was so […]

The Volatile Delectation of the Exploding Ant

A recent expedition, by the Natural History Museum of Vienna, Technical University of Vienna, and other contributing institutions, has discovered a new species of ant in Borneo. Normally, that news would have all the impact of three-minute disposable catheter commercial; but, these ants are special. They explode. Colobopsis explodens, when defending themselves or perhaps just […]

Desire Under the Alligators: Last Four Chapters

[These are the final chapters to the outline of my romance novel, Desire Under the Alligators. The first three chapters can be read here; and, the second three chapters are, conveniently enough, right here.] Chapter 7: At the start of this chapter, every main character dies… or do they? Actually, it is subtext to an […]

The Venial Degradation of the Cocoa Krispies Mascots

In 1958, a team of crack food scientists, and probably a few posers, invented the miracle we know today as “Cocoa Krispies”. It remains the platonic ideal of cereals: It talks, doesn’t require added sugar, is made of rice and is low in fiber to facilitate gorging. And, best of all, it is infused with […]

Let Me Allay Your Fears…

You shouldn’t worry about dying young because, frankly, you AREN’T that young anymore. You are NOT being followed. They know your schedule so well, they are already waiting for you at your destination. You think that your frustrating day at work is a symptom of failing memory due to age; but, nothing could be further […]

Random Thoughts: The Home Game

A man cannot serve two masters; however, with a little instruction, he can serve a tennis ball. If you need a sure-fire way to alienate a room full of people, might I recommend heckling a eulogy? A wonderful name for a doctor who treats impotency would be “Grant Wood”. A little known fact about Formula […]

Things You Can Do After You Stop Trying to Impress People

You can order a drink that tastes good, like a girl-drink, instead of straight-shots of single malt stuff that tastes like something kept in an IV bag in a trauma ward. You can keep your car until it dies a natural death from old age. You can quit holding it in and let your belly […]