Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes
Funnier than a sharp stink in your eye…
I’m thankful for sex education because, without it, the girls I dated in high school and college wouldn’t have been able to tell me what I was doing wrong. ֎ I’m thankful for pork because, if we didn’t eat it, with all the pigs we kill, we’d come off looking like a bunch of sadists. […]
Read More Stuff I’m Thankful for, Part FiveNitrous Oxide was first synthesized by British chemist Joseph Priestley in 1772 as a possible means of keeping the Irish population in check or as a substitute for birds, I forget which. He found that inhaling the gas produced euphoria and giddiness… the same emotions one feels after running over a corporate lawyer and then […]
Read More Laughing Gas: A Brief HistoryKeith Richards insured his hands for 1.6 million dollars despite the fact that Keith Richards’ hands had recently filed a restraining order to keep the guitarist five hundred feet away from his hands at all times. ☺ Jennifer Lopez has a 27 million dollar policy to insure her buttocks. When she hits sixty, her plan […]
Read More Famous People Who’ve Insured parts of ThemselvesYou marry the only woman who doesn’t spray you with mace when you introduce yourself. ♦ You say everything in the passive tense such as “My project got screwed up” instead of the more active, “That guy who doesn’t speak much English screwed my project up” ♦ You see everything that happens to you as […]
Read More Signs That You are Too PassiveI listened to nothing but Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill for three days; now, every woman I meet seems sane by comparison. ♣ My life has been kind of a drag… except for the week after I’d been adopted by Tom Cruise. It was luxury and joy and utter satisfaction; but, he came up behind […]
Read More Random Thoughts that I have Gots
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 