Ye Olde Randome Thoughts

I was involved in a nude photo shoot and I want those pictures back. You can tell I was nude because the person I was photographing looks pretty shocked…. So many people we say are in a “special place in Hell” that they hardly seem special anymore… “I have learned everything… taken every college course, […]

R. N. Domth Oughts

If I was being besieged in a castle in the middle ages, I’d try my hardest to convince the people surrounding me that THEY were the ones under siege and that they were going to be trapped out there FOREVER if they didn’t leave. She called me a “grade A rat” which was surprising because […]

The Ort of Kings

I was listening to the song, Desperado, and I felt that Linda Ronstadt was singing directly to me, so I said, “Thanks, Linda” and she didn’t answer which I thought was SO RUDE. I had “Short Man Syndrome” for many years. I realized that I was cured of it one day when I hit my […]

A Random Thought is Often Sought

Frozen solid and hit with a hammer, he died a broken man… If you have an harmonica, you are never truly alone… until you start playing it… Do what you like to me; but, I won’t put up with ANYONE hurting my children unless they have a fairly reasonable explanation for doing so… Brevity is […]

A Random Thought Cannot be Bought

I was in a bar once and in walked a priest, a rabbi and a minister. I looked them over for a second and then exclaimed, “NOW I get it!” Are hot pants, short shorts and “Daisy Dukes” the same thing? If they aren’t, I owe my Senator a letter of apology. I asked her […]

Table Scraps

Dream it, wish it, do it, apologize profusely… What you lack in talent can be made up with desire, hustle and giving 110 percent all the time. Because a man attacking a problem he cannot handle or even comprehend, with all of his might, is hysterical. You are never too old to set another goal […]

Ort!

How is it that “spook” and “fry” don’t sound at all alike but are spelled completely differently? Why is it that the same people that quote biblical scripture are some of the same people who have functioning kidneys and lungs? I tried my hardest to get the trophy for “Laziest” but that disqualified me. They […]