Oscar Wilde once said, “This wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. Either it goes or I do.”. He died shortly after saying that because that wallpaper had some pretty powerful friends. That feeling I used to have after getting laid is the same feeling I now get when I lay in a three […]Read More Thoughts as Random as Random can be, I Must Say
At work, the LGBT people are having a gay ice-cream social. When the guy handed me the flier, I thought to myself, “You know, if my granddaddy were alive today, he’d probably be panicking, scratching and clawing at the coffin lid until he suffocated” If everyone who ever died trying to save someone from a […]Read More Double-plus Rand-Thoughts
When I say that Lisa Loeb is the Antichrist, I’m not saying that she’s the evil opposite of Jesus Christ. I’m just saying that she will actively bring about the destruction of the world… I’m done with women because I’ve been burned so many times before… most recently when a lady threw her coffee at […]Read More What Random Thoughts Hath God Wrot?
The race goes not always to the swift, but they are usually the odds on favorite. Violence never solved anything… except the problem of that guy who’s staring at you from across the bar. He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough. He who knows that too much isn’t nearly enough will […]Read More Waiter! What’s this Random Thought Doing in My Soup?
I was watching a documentary on Catherine the Great in which they explicitly said that she DIDN’T have sex with a horse. In my experience, when you have to tell people that you didn’t have sex with a horse, you probably had sex with a horse… I’m pretty close to what medical science considers my […]Read More The Loathsome Turpitude of Random Thoughts
Driving in Florida is like taking your life in your hands just after you’ve buttered your hands. When choosing between two evils, I always pick the one nearest the build-your-own-sundae bar… The procedure was every neurosurgeon’s nightmare: He hadn’t studied for the surgery the night before, there was a clown with an […]Read More The Son of Hercules vs the Terror of Random Thoughts
Jim Morrison once said, “A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself”. Being friendless gives you that exact same freedom and you don’t have to remember birthdays… I get tired of my landlord walking around like he owns the place… I traveled far and wide to find something worth journeying around […]Read More Thoughts as Random as Bikes Can be Tandem