Gemini

If you are a Gemini, you are riding on the gravy train without a biscuit to your name. But, that hardly matters because you are too busy being awesome at being the most adaptable of all the Zodiac signs. That and a dollar-fifty will definitely get you a cup of coffee…

In mythology, Gemini were twins Castor and Pollux, born to Leda but each having a different father. Although this is very uncommon in twins, it is even more uncommon that a set of twins have different mothers. Zeus, always on the prowl, changed his form into that of a swan and pretended to come to Leda for protection from an eagle. Once he’d gotten close to her, they made the beast with two backs, four legs, two wings and a beak. That evening, her husband Tyndareus, oblivious of his wife’s sour mood and the presence of feathers in her shorts, lay with Leda as well. Nine months later, out pops a mortal son, Castor, and an immortal one, Pollux. The two went on many adventures, including the quest for the Golden Fleece. When Castor died, Pollux begged that they both be immortalized in the heavens and Zeus assented, probably because of guilt due to the avian rape of their mother…

Gemini are, as I stated before, very adaptable. That translates to, “Say or do anything to be accepted or get ahead”. In other words, to be an out and out weasel. Is that a bad thing? It seems to me that acting in a weaselly manner might allow your species to propagate indefinitely; on the other hand, many species of weasel are classified as endangered so, you should probably just do what you want. As far as human beings go, a good quality sycophant will last longer than an unwanted house cat. A sycophant who manages to stay employed for more than ten years is automatically promoted to “henchman”. Gemini may not be able to lead, but, when the going gets tough, they are more than ready to roll up their sleeves and abandon you…

Gemini learn quickly. If I had to come up with a metaphor for Gemini, it would be those pods in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. They come out looking human, but Gemini don’t have human feelings like the rest of us. They are more like snakes with feet. Am I being too hard on Gemini? Well, you are welcome to ask one their opinion; but, unless it’s in the best interest, they won’t disagree with me…

Donald Trump is a Gemini. I’ll just let that sink in a moment… Perpetually tragic singer and actress, Judy Garland was also a Gemini, although you’d hardly know it to look at her. Josephine Baker was a Gemini because who else would dance around in a skirt made out of bananas? Well, a Capricorn might. Voice-model Morgan Freeman is also a Gemini but is welcome to come over and be a Cancer with me anytime he wants. Lou Gehrig was a Gemini and he considered himself the luckiest man… on the face… of the Earth.

The constellation of Gemini has around seventeen stars. Because it looks like two stick-figures, side by side, it is the only constellation that looks even remotely like what it is called. AND, it’s two brightest stars are named Castor and Pollux… almost as if some THOUGHT went into this particular star grouping. Hats off to the ancient Greeks for at least getting one right.

If you want to find this constellation, it is best to look in the dead of winter because fewer people will be outside witnessing what a dork you are. Draw a line from the Pleiades cluster to the brightest star in the constellation of Leo. This imaginary line (unless you drew a REAL line up in space, in which case, you have my respect) nearly bisects Gemini. Remember, if you DO bisect Gemini, you’ll either have two constellations called “Castor” and “Pollux”; or, you’ll have two constellations called, “The Heads” and “The Decapitated Brothers”. Something to think about…

Gemini is ruled by Mercury but pretty much does what it wants.

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