Leo

how-to-date-a-leoIf you are a Leo, nothing can stop you. Okay, maybe five police officers with tasers, but you’ll be mildly electrocuted on that bridge when you get to it, take off your clothes and set your car on fire. Until then, you are a great leader… an inspiration to others as well as a role model for yourself. Leos naturally like telling other people what to do. And, other people naturally don’t have the spine to tell them to put that where the sun doesn’t shine. It’s very symbiotic…

Leo is a fire sign. This is probably the reason that most Leos die by fire, although we haven’t ruled out stupidity entirely. Fire signs are all about emotions. And, no one is more emotional than Leos, except for the people they oppress. A person ruled by their emotions never makes very good decisions. But, Leos have long detached themselves from reality and are living in what is essentially a movie in their heads, with themselves as the hero, love interest, best friend and cinematographer. The best way to endear yourself to a Leo is with flattery… naked, overt and overwhelming flattery. A Leo needs flattery to live and will attach itself, leech-like, to anyone or thing that fills that need. If you ever need to leave a Leo alone for a while, you can just babysit them with a Speak and Spell modified to say “You’re great!” whenever the string is pulled…

Am I saying that everyone born in late July or early August is a boorish moron? That would be around one twelfth of the population. Definitely a lower percentage than I would’ve guessed. Maybe the others are just PRETENDING to be Leos. There are some loser Zodiac signs… like Aries for example. But, I’ve never known an Aries to pretend to be born under a different sign. God love ’em, they just aren’t smart enough to pull that off. And, don’t get me started on Gemini…

Catherine of Saxony was a Leo… OBVIOUSLY. So is Hugo Chavez. Starting to see a pattern, here? Really? After only two people? What are you, nuts? Garrison Keillor is a Leo and a more forceful personality you’ll never see. And, what if I told you Rudolf the Second of Bulgaria was a Leo? Would that change your life in any real way? If that knowledge doesn’t shatter your entire outlook, you are, in my opinion, a rock…

The Constellation Leo is comprised of nine stars, each in a different place in the night sky. The stars look uncannily like a lion who has had his legs, tail and nose removed… like one who’d lost a fight with a larger lion, perhaps one armed with a chainsaw. If you look up into the dark night sky, that is your best bet for seeing Leo.

Leo is ruled by the Sun which is ironic when you consider that the Sun is a gigantic ball of gas undergoing fusion and a lion is just a species of cat. Well, maybe not ironic but definitely ridiculous.

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