Pisces

piscesIf you are a Pisces, you are the one-eyed man in the land of the blind. Oh, they still won’t make you king; but, in retaliation, you rearrange all their furniture once a week…

Pisces are very musically inclined, which is appropriate because fish are the most musical of animals, if The Little Mermaid has taught us anything. Musicians are important in many ways. You can take the number of musicians in a country and determine from that percentage how many people are on welfare. Ironically, musicians work hard to remain in poverty. In the old days, if your daughter came home and said she was going to marry a musician, you’d have a fit. There would be yelling and screaming and definitely more allusions to people like Nat King Cole and Buddy Holly. That doesn’t happen anymore mostly because girls are too smart to marry musicians, now.

Like all musicians, with the possible exception of Yo Yo Ma and Nancy Sinatra, Pisces are romantics… incurable romantics; in fact, all efforts to cure them of this have failed due to the fact that the experimental vaccine was only effective on Yo Yo Ma and Nancy Sinatra. A Pisces might bring you flowers for no reason… just because he happened to be passing a cemetery. He might cook you a romantic dinner to thank you for letting him sleep on your couch for several months. He is a creature of passionate acts with extensive periods of coma-like sleep in between. After he has swept you off your feet, you won’t even be angry that he sold your laptop to get his amp out of hock…

Famous Pisces are as plentiful as drive-through-safari baboons on a Ford Festiva. Musicians Al Gore and George Washington head the list. Ralph Nader is a Pisces and well-known for belting out show tunes when the urge came over him… which was seldom. Elton John is about as Pisces as you can get without painful surgery. And, Aretha Franklin: What is there to say about her except she has never been arrested for smuggling pistachios… The list of famous Pisces would cover a football field if you wrote the names in gigantic letters.

Now, Pisces isn’t a representation of just any old pair of fishes. These are SPECIAL fishes. Aphrodite and her son Eros were being chased by a monster and changed into those two fish. Actually, due to the size and focus of the monster (Typhon, if you must know) a LOT of gods were turning into fish and jumping into the water. If those gods had been just a smidge smarter, they’d have turned into a larger monster than the one chasing them. But, Greek gods, like snake charmers and hang gliders, just weren’t that bright.

The Pisces constellation contains eighteen to twenty-one stars. It isn’t that experts aren’t sure how many there are, it’s just that sometimes a few of them take the day off. Pisces is the fourteenth largest constellation in the night sky, which was not enough to get it a scholarship to any decent university but impressive nonetheless. Pisces sits next to Pegasus which is no picnic for either of them…

Pisces is ruled by Neptune and dreams almost daily about telling Neptune off.

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