[Thanks to Jack Shalom for the idea! Jack is proof that anyone who likes radio shows and magic cannot be all bad] My parents wanted to instill in me the joy of having my fondest desires frustrated. All of my previous pets had died of mysterious stompings. Santa neglected to poke air-holes in the over-sized […]Read More Why I Didn’t Get a Pony
Sponge crabs and plenty of ’em. I write this one during a pretty emotional time of my life: That period between birth and fifteen minutes ago. Please enjoy… The Lugubrious Synchronicity of the Sponge CrabRead More I Know What You Want to See…
[When I used to work out “in the fields”, I encountered these guys a lot. At first, they were intimidating; but later, I’d sneak one into my pocket so it would make noise while I played dominoes at lunch. I give you… THE CICADA!]Read More I Went to Grenada with a Cicada
I’d naturally assumed that I’d done at least one essay on each of the millions of species of animals in the world; however, calmkate proved me wrong. So, for those of you with that particular gap in your knowledge, I give you… The Lungfish!Read More Compulsory Lungfish
I think this might be the very last of my older animal essays. I hope you enjoy it because I’ve completely run out of animals to write about… except bacterium. But, I don’t think I could do much with a topic like that… The Goblin Shark!!!Read More Goblin Sharks are our Friends!!!
Recently, on the subway, I saw a man get on, carefully attach his own strap to the hold-bar and hold onto that for stability. He didn’t take one of the many empty seats because, everyone knows that germs can crawl right through pants and into one’s anus. After that, it’s anything goes, for Mr. Germ. […]Read More Millennials and Other Things that Shouldn’t Exist
If you inject a venomous snake with anti-venom, when it bites you, water comes out. Ironically, the most playful and loving of all snakes is the Death Adder. Herpetologists think that snake venom evolved from gastric juices, because nothing dissolves food into a nutritive slurry like neurotoxin. A snake is just as afraid of you […]Read More Tips on Venomous Snakes