Celebrities I’ll Never Date and Why

Bjork: I don’t mind so much that she attacked a reporter. Most of my aunts have a least taken a swing at one. What would doom us romantically would be that she’s from Iceland and probably keeps the thermostat too low. Nicole Kidman: She was married to a Scientologist for eleven years. No one leaves […]

My Girlf and I broke Up (an exercise)

Turned out my girlfriend was a werewolf and would change forms with the full moon; I had to break things off with her because I got tired of my neighbor’s cats being eaten every thirty days… ☼ I ended my relationship because I didn’t get along with my girlfriend’s dog. Some dogs get possessive and […]

The Gorilla Who Didn’t Understand Adages

Gorilla Bob sat at his security desk scanning the store’s monitors. He loved his job as head of security at D-Mart. He’d been at it for fifteen years and had been acknowledged by corporate many times for his wisdom and acumen. Behind him, a door opened. “Morning, boss!”, greeted his assistant, a grey mule deer. […]

Random Thoughts (a Little Blue)

Recently, I tried asiago cheese for the second time and, just like the first time, it really didn’t taste like anything. So, I recommend grating some onto a dish that already tastes exactly like you want it. ♣ I didn’t have an imaginary friend growing up. I don’t know whether to feel regret or pretend […]