You would have to go a long way to find an animal more adept at deception than the Sponge Crab; then, when it was time to go home, you’d have to go a long way AGAIN. My recommendation is that you take my word for it and you’ll save a lot on travel expenses.
Sponge Crabs are of the family Dromiidae. A few of them married into the Spheniscidae family and are, technically, penguins-in-law. But, mostly, Dromiida stick with Dromiidae. It may seem intolerant, but I just think marriage between birds and arthopods is wrong on so many levels. But, I am sure my children’s children will accept it as if it is no big thing. One generation ago, my father had a visceral hatred of transsexual Sponge Crabs; whereas, if a female crab is born into the body of a male, I say, “Follow your heart, Crab”…
Now, the name “sponge crab” does make this family of animals seem pretty harmless. Not as harmless as the “tissue paper wolves” of the Northern Steppe or the more local “butter weasels”, but I personally get an image of a crab made out of sponge that grows in size when you add a few drops of water. Well, nothing could be further from the truth (except for the statement, “Pickles make any party better”). These creatures cultivate the growth of sponges on their horrid crabby bodies to camouflage themselves…
Do they do it on purpose? Well, when has a crab ever done anything on purpose? They are basically big pulpy spiders that, somewhere along the line, got so confused that they started living under the sea. At least thirty species live off the coast of Australia, where they subsist on the pieces of surfer the Great White Sharks let fall to the bottom. Sometimes, a sponge crab will not be able to find a sponge and will put something else on its back, like a sea squirt; and, boy does everyone have a good laugh over that. If a sponge crab loses its sponge, it does not just shrug and look for another… for two reasons: First, getting a sponge to fit its carapace is an exacting process; and, secondly, crabs don’t have shoulders…
Sponge crabs are among the oldest surviving species of the crab family and the oldest of those crab species that look like painting-instructor, Bob Ross. Paleontologists can learn much from sponge crabs… mostly about things related to crabs, but sometimes about love and life in general. The Furred Sponge Crab has actually evolved a pair of legs that point upwards to hold a sponge to its back. It should be noted that the Furred Sponge Crab lives off the coast of Namibia and reaps all the benefits that living near Namibia brings. The Shaggy Sponge Crab lives off the coast of Australia and also reaps all the benefits that living near Namibia brings…
The Bristled Sponge Crab is the uglier than a gorilla made out of bulldogs. It looks like a large tumor that has been painstakingly sculpted to look like an uglier tumor. It is debris that, by some miracle has had life bestowed upon it. It has won the Ugliest Crab Contest eleven consecutive times including the one in Spring 2018, which it won IN ADVANCE. Like most disgusting animals, it lives off the coast of Australia…
Of course, when people think of sponge crabs, they think of the Sleepy Sponge Crab. It is the largest of the sponge crabs and the one that looks the most like a dirt clod at a construction site. They scuttle slowly with the claws at the front like a sleep-walker. They’ve been seen near Hawaii, off the coast of the Philippines and even near Indonesia. They are inedible, maybe poisonous and have been known to troll people on Youtube.
We can learn a lot from our friend the sponge crab: We now know, from studying them, what an arachnid looks like with a blond afro. We’ve learned about the innate resourcefulness of creatures that we don’t even consider capable of thought. But, most important, we’ve learned that these animals are craven cowards, hiding for most of their lives, and definitely unworthy of our respect…
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 