Benefits to Getting Old

The age range of woman I find attractive gets bigger each year… which gets me closer and closer to asking Helen Mirren out. ♠ I do great in twentieth century history on Jeopardy because I was there for most of it. ♥ I can explain how life was very different before the internet to younger […]

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How to Enjoy Your Pregnancy

Your hormones will produce emotions you never knew existed so sit back and experience “rage-glee”. ♀ You’ll enjoy your pregnancy more with recreational drugs but don’t use any substance you wouldn’t want your infant to abuse. ♀ Paint yourself purple, go to a candy factory and ask where the “juicing room” is. ♀ Watch nothing […]

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How to Discourage Your Poet

[Thanks to Deb for inadvertently giving me the idea. Happy Thanksgiving, one and all!] Hide their rhyming dictionary. ◊ Avoid inspiring them. Keep them away from clouds, Grecian urns and especially flammable tigers. ◊ Get a doctor’s note. “Sorry sweetheart, but I can’t listen to your poetry, today. Doctor says one more rhyme might kill […]

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Thanksgiving Hacks

Make your turkey a week ahead of time, then eat it and tell everyone Thanksgiving is canceled. ☼ Hors d’oeuvres can be made easily and quickly if you have Greek olives, Gryere cheese, crackers and an experienced chef who knows what to do with those things. ☼ Salad can be made faster if you break […]

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