Status

My friends, I have a task that I have to perform but really don’t want to. Not to give too much information but eventually Alzheimer’s Disease goes from being quirky and forgetful to accepting it as a terminal disease. And, that is where my father currently is. So, I’ll be going down to Texas for […]

How Can I Be a Trump Supporter?

If you can consider your soy bean farm successful, thanks to Trump, despite the fact that you aren’t making any money and someone else owns it, now. You have to be able to believe that a man who attended Christian church for decades is a Muslim; and, a man who wouldn’t know a church if […]

I AM FROM EARTH!!!

Recently, as many of you know, I was abducted by aliens. It was my own fault for driving my pickup truck on a lonely country road in the middle of the night. But, instead of anally probing me and letting me go, they, instead, anally probed me and asked me questions… for the purpose of […]

Why Wind Power, Like What My Baby Did, is a Bad Bad Thing

If the big wind turbine companies use up all of our wind, Americans will be deprived of a basic human right: A nice breeze. If we burn fewer hydrocarbons, people will have to start taking supplements to get the carbon monoxide their bodies need. In the United States, wind tends to blow in from West […]

Signs You Might Have Too Much Sodium in Your Diet

Your favorite sandwich is anchovies between two pieces of beef jerky. Half the time you give a blood sample, the vial explodes off of the needle and embeds itself into a wall. Your stool makes an effective salt lick. You’ve switched from a salt-shaker to a tablespoon Your friends and family won’t eat any baked […]

Give Me Liberty or Give Me Random Thoughts

I’ve got a computer virus where, if I click on a porn site, it shows me instead an image of Hugh Hefner stabbing the Virgin Mary. I’d get the virus removed but it’s kind of a turn-on… My biggest fear is that everything that can happen will finally happen, God will yell, “Bingo!” and the […]

Waiting to See the Doctor? Here are Some Tips:

[This one came from an idea from Deb Whittam. She has my profound thanks] Unlike prison, you don’t need to find the biggest patient in the waiting room and knock him out. If you keep guessing sequentially, until you hit on a legitimate health insurance number, someone will know that something is up. The woman […]