The Hearth Cricket

The typical British home will have three things: A black pudding, a hearth cricket and a hole in the wall punched by Jason Statham during one of his famous benders. Now, black puddings are too disgusting to talk about; and, I hear Statham gets pretty nuts when people make fun of him, so I’ll confine […]

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The Worst Possible Superpowers

[You have to figure that, for every superhero that gets the power to fly or throw fireballs, there have to be about a hundred that get crappy superpowers. Most probably keep their powers to themselves to avoid ridicule. What ARE these powers? I’d imagine that the worst superpowers would be:] The power to turn gold […]

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The Edge of Grape

Look at a grape and you don’t see much… unless it is a robotic grape, capable of many things that a domestic grape cannot even begin to accomplish or comprehend; but, that’s goes without saying, eh? A regular non-cybernetic grape is delicious, can turn into wine and contains vitamin K. How important is vitamin K? […]

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My Only Regrets

[No one wants the die with regrets; but, that’s probably because no one wants to die in the first place.  If I had any regrets, they would be the following:] I regret that I was not there for my two, or is it three (?), children * I regret that I’ve never bent anyone to […]

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Physical Laws Reexplained

A body at rest tends to stay at rest… A body in a ravine tends to get poked by kids with a stick. A body in motion tends to stay in motion until its bladder is full it has to pull over. The universe tends towards disorder. In other words: auT odrs wot hed wiso […]

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How to be Nonchalant

[The coolest people are those who just don’t care… well, cool people and sociopaths.  If you are wondering what it takes to stay detached in all situations, I believe I can help] One way to seem not to care is to indiscriminately inject Botox into the face anywhere you can stick a needle. Also a […]

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