Save the Condor? Save the French Fry!

[Granted, condors are in danger of extinction. But, which is more beneficial to us: The condor or the french fry? I delve into this question in the stunning expose below] Condors have a six foot wing span. French fries don’t have a wing span at all. Which is going to be easier to get through […]

Stuff I don’t Care About Anymore

Catlyn Jenner: Man, woman, spirit of the undead… I don’t care what you call her. Her life is a train-wreck and train wrecks are only interesting if they don’t happen on a daily basis. A Comet Hitting the Earth: Blah blah blah… all life as we know it gone. I don’t have time to […]

When is Black-face Okay?

[Recently, photographs have come to light with the governor of Virginia in black face in his college year book from the eighties. A lot of people are angry about this so… When is black-face okay?] When you go to a costume party in the eighties dressed as your favorite rapper and you also want […]

How Men Cope with Baldness

Crew Cut: It’s hard to see the baldness when the rest of the hair is a scant 0.18 inches in length. Very effective but, if you are heavy, you’ll look like Private Pyle from Full Metal Jacket. If you are in good physical shape, you’ll look like someone who just started a soccer riot. Shaved […]

Signs that Your Child’s School May Not Be Up to Standards

Early afternoon is spent sitting quietly while the teacher watches her “stories”. The week before standardized testing, the teacher leads the children in a new song called, “A-C-C-A-B-D-A” When the children got up to the letter ‘T’, funding ran out, so your son Victor and you daughter Yvonne are considered by the other children to […]

Reflections

[Another challenge from iScriblr. Of all the ones I’ve done so far, this one is clearly the most recent] I looked into the mirror this morning and I realized that I had wronged you greatly; in fact, it was the most greatly that I’d ever wronged you… the greatliest wrong of all. And, I’m not […]

Things You Don’t Know About Me

My skin has a delightful lemony scent. I’ve been told that my dandruff can be substituted for almond extract in just about any recipe. I just cannot decide if Mothra is the worst movie monster ever or just very nuanced. I’ve always silently resented people who cannot read my mind. Sometimes, when no one is […]