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New Year’s Resolutions 2026

I resolve to stop threatening suicide when things don’t go my way like when my expired thirty-cents coupon for bath tissue is rejected at checkout. ► I resolve to dance at weddings ONLY when there is music playing and NO PELVIC THRUSTS ON THE DANCE FLOOR. ► I resolve to really listen and be nicer […]

Carbon Dioxide Tips and Trivia

When you are so worried about your carbon atoms that you keep two oxygen molecules with it at all times as bodyguards. ♯ Dry ice is one of the fastest ways of finding cavities or loose fittings. The dentist gets the patient to bite a sheet of dry ice; then, he pries you off the […]

Is Your Coworker a Spy?

You borrow his CD player and it self-destructs in five seconds. ♪ He can say “tell me what I want to know or I’ll kill you” in seven languages. The same phrase is embroidered on a throw pillow in his living room. ♪ He keeps telling Goldfinger that he’s “totally mad” which only seems to […]

Randomus Thoughtibus

He thought he could get away by running into that mob of cannibals but the crowd swallowed him up… ♥ There are only two items left on my bucket list: First, I’d like to make my own sauerkraut; then, I’d like to die of sadness. ♥ Majorie Taylor Green spun around to confront the man […]

Relieving Tension

First, determine the cause of your tension and if that cause can be sent to summer camp or boarding school. ♣ Sometimes, practicing yoga can alleviate tension. Note: If you are a man over fifty-five years old, you might be given a cute nickname like “Guy who attended one class and then left on a […]

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