What is Charlie Up to?

I buy fifty cd-roms a week so I can eventually backup the entire internet. I’m creating a snack food laced with barbiturates called Laze Potato Chips. I’m hollowing out birch seeds so that, when they are grown, I’ll have a ready-made canoe. I’m falsifying my driver’s license to match my falsified birth certificate. I’m shaving […]

Some Thoughts on Eating Dog

If you are going to eventually eat your dog, don’t raise it as a beloved pet because it isn’t polite to play with your food… In dog-eating countries like Vietnam or the Philippines, eating dog might just get you a case of rabies; so, if you don’t want rabies, avoid eating dog in those countries. […]

What Do Other Nations Eat for Breakfast

Rice Congee (China): When the call goes out, “What do you want for breakfast?”, the answer is a resounding, “Rice Congee, please”, according to a nationwide poll of no one whatsoever. You might think this rice porridge is just a bland soup… until you add the peanuts and squid; then, what you have is a […]

Facts about Rice

In India, the first solid food given to children is often rice; whereas, the last solid food given to someone is often poison. Two makes of car, Honda and Toyota, are named after rice. Kind of stupid, I know, but not as dumb as naming a car after a Papal decree, as in “Fiat”; or, […]

What Your Favorite Beverage Says about You

Yoohoo: You don’t like people who are artificial and fake; however, your drink is a weak approximation of chocolate milk that has to be served ice cold to convince your tongue and your gag reflex to accept it into your body. In this regard, you are not the type to commit a cold-blooded murder; but, […]

I’ve Sandwiched in these Thoughts on Cold Cuts

Bologna: The head honcho of cold cuts. A nice mix of meat vomit, ectoplasm and discarded methamphetamine. In the United States it is consumed in great amounts as kind of a “pauper chow”. When we’d go on a trip, my dad would stop at a grocery store and pick up a pack of bologna, a […]