You startled me while I was making French toast. ☺ Your eyeballs looked kind of bland. ☺ From certain angles, you look like raisin bread. ☺ I wanted to give you the greatest gift of all: The gift… of blindness. ☺ I hear that, if you lose one sense, the others become stronger and I […]Read More Why I Threw Cinnamon in Your Eyes
Beef: This is the most common jerky. It’s a very dark reddish brown and hard, like something you shouldn’t be eating; in fact, the texture is like no other food and more like a product you might find in a hardware store. Beef jerky may SEEM fibrous, but it will lock up your bowels tighter […]Read More What Types of Jerky are there?
I Published Cooking with Your Children but a lot of people were way off in what the book was about. ☺ Because lips are sensitive, even a mild blow can cause bruising or even death… if you meet up with some nut that gets enraged at the sight of bruised lips. ☺ My old girlfriend […]Read More Still More Leftovers
Never eat a meal that you cannot comfortably carry. ☼ Sugars are “empty calories” and because they are empty, other calories can hide inside of them like a Trojan horse. Instead, enjoy the candy-like sweetness of chard or endive. ☼ If you crave something sweet, eat a carrot because… Happy Non Sequitur Day! ☼ If […]Read More Dieting Tips that will Make You Think Less of Yourself
Goose liver jerky. ☺ Any “how to be your own lawyer” book written from prison. ☺ Air freshener with the clean pleasant scent of radon. ☺ Selling “No Solicitor” signs door-to-door. ☺ A cruise ship hosting a diamond-cutting contest. ☺ A pickled herring/orange Kool-aid diet. ☺ A movie where the hero, a KKK member, defeats […]Read More More Things Guaranteed to Turn Out Badly