Dinner Party Advice from an Expert on Database Programming

When grilling outdoors, remember not to pierce the sausages or over-flip the burgers; or, you might ruin the inedible chunks of charcoal you’ll be serving. Themed dinner parties are fine but avoid unappetizing themes such as the Medici family, historical infections and typhus. How do you determine when to break out the good china? Think […]

New on Television, this Summer…

My Big Fat Heroin-addict Mom: It is, in fact, the reality show to end all reality shows… at least I hope that’s what it does. A woman with a heroin habit and a compulsive eating disorder tries to juggle two kids… probably because she’s so high that she thinks they are oranges. If successful, the […]

Ways to Eat Steak

Rare: Really, the only way to eat steak. I eat it so rare, the steak sometimes tries to talk me out of eating it. So rare that, if I offered a five second head start, it would take it. I mean so rare that it is still capable of reproducing. I could go on. Medium […]

Thoughts on Dogs and their Food

If you feed your dog randomly, throughout the day, your dog will want food all the time; but, if you feed your dog on a strict schedule, it will only want food all the time… Cycle dog food varies its formula based on a dog’s age. Be careful! If you feed Cycle 4 to a […]

Save the Condor? Save the French Fry!

[Granted, condors are in danger of extinction. But, which is more beneficial to us: The condor or the french fry? I delve into this question in the stunning expose below] Condors have a six foot wing span. French fries don’t have a wing span at all. Which is going to be easier to get through […]

Signs You Might Have Too Much Sodium in Your Diet

Your favorite sandwich is anchovies between two pieces of beef jerky. Half the time you give a blood sample, the vial explodes off of the needle and embeds itself into a wall. Your stool makes an effective salt lick. You’ve switched from a salt-shaker to a tablespoon Your friends and family won’t eat any baked […]

Thoughts on Cooking

When a chef burns something the term for that is “caramelization”. They say you can substitute a quarter cup of applesauce for an egg when cooking; but, I’ve found it makes a pretty uninspiring omelet. Cut tough meat across the grain. You’ll know which way the grain goes because it will always be the direction […]