I buy fifty cd-roms a week so I can eventually backup the entire internet. I’m creating a snack food laced with barbiturates called Laze Potato Chips. I’m hollowing out birch seeds so that, when they are grown, I’ll have a ready-made canoe. I’m falsifying my driver’s license to match my falsified birth certificate. I’m shaving […]Read More What is Charlie Up to?
If you are going to eventually eat your dog, don’t raise it as a beloved pet because it isn’t polite to play with your food… In dog-eating countries like Vietnam or the Philippines, eating dog might just get you a case of rabies; so, if you don’t want rabies, avoid eating dog in those countries. […]Read More Some Thoughts on Eating Dog
Rice Congee (China): When the call goes out, “What do you want for breakfast?”, the answer is a resounding, “Rice Congee, please”, according to a nationwide poll of no one whatsoever. You might think this rice porridge is just a bland soup… until you add the peanuts and squid; then, what you have is a […]Read More What Do Other Nations Eat for Breakfast
In India, the first solid food given to children is often rice; whereas, the last solid food given to someone is often poison. Two makes of car, Honda and Toyota, are named after rice. Kind of stupid, I know, but not as dumb as naming a car after a Papal decree, as in “Fiat”; or, […]Read More Facts about Rice
After eating a mint, you can’t drink water for half an hour because the taste is so strong… You can’t drink orange juice for a week. A mint-julip is pretty disgusting. I refuse to consume anything with torn damp vegetation at the bottom… same reason I don’t eat at the salad bar of my local […]Read More I Hate Mint!!!
Yoohoo: You don’t like people who are artificial and fake; however, your drink is a weak approximation of chocolate milk that has to be served ice cold to convince your tongue and your gag reflex to accept it into your body. In this regard, you are not the type to commit a cold-blooded murder; but, […]Read More What Your Favorite Beverage Says about You
Bologna: The head honcho of cold cuts. A nice mix of meat vomit, ectoplasm and discarded methamphetamine. In the United States it is consumed in great amounts as kind of a “pauper chow”. When we’d go on a trip, my dad would stop at a grocery store and pick up a pack of bologna, a […]Read More I’ve Sandwiched in these Thoughts on Cold Cuts