Some Bland Facts about Tofu

Tofu may reduce the risk of cancer. It might also bring you gold bars and unicorns while you sleep. Women who are going through menopause should eat tofu because the drudgery of eating it is a great thing to blame your wild moods swings upon. Freezing tofu turns it yellow. It is still good to […]

Why I’m Going on an All Mayonnaise Diet

No one recommends an all mayo diet so when I go on one I won’t look like a “follower”. Mayonnaise doesn’t require chewing, which will save my teeth for an extra decade of snarling at people. I ate a lot of raw vegetables as a young man, so if I eat only mayo until I […]

Taste Treats of my Youth that Weren’t

Canned Peaches: These were for people who wanted peaches all year round AND wanted them to be slimier. They had an almost sentient ability to avoid being cut up with your spoon. Uncut, you’d have to chase them around the bowl until your mom turned her head and then GRAB ‘EM AND STUFF ‘EM IN […]

I Tell You What You Can Do with Lemons

Get eight of them together and hold a lemon party. Step on one and hold a lemon funeral. Walk into a pet store with a lemon in your hands and shout angrily, “The wings fell off of this canary you sold me!” Always keep lemons in your refrigerator and they’ll keep you informed of any […]

Butter Facts that Will Melt Your Heart

In all, about a third of the world’s milk production is devoted to making butter. The other third is donated to high schools for the teaching of fractions. The term “butterfly” came from the supposition that they and other insects stole dairy products. Entomologists kept the name because, even though they weren’t stealing milk and […]