I Hate Mint!!!

After eating a mint, you can’t drink water for half an hour because the taste is so strong… You can’t drink orange juice for a week. A mint-julip is pretty disgusting. I refuse to consume anything with torn damp vegetation at the bottom… same reason I don’t eat at the salad bar of my local […]

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Why I Ate a Stick of Butter

I couldn’t find the lard. I took it out of the refrigerator accidentally and I didn’t want to look stupid. I’m trying to eat all my food alphabetically and I already finished off the almonds and anchovies. I’m lubricating the inside of my body so that my lungs work more smoothly. My friends were over […]

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New on Television, this Summer…

My Big Fat Heroin-addict Mom: It is, in fact, the reality show to end all reality shows… at least I hope that’s what it does. A woman with a heroin habit and a compulsive eating disorder tries to juggle two kids… probably because she’s so high that she thinks they are oranges. If successful, the […]

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