I couldn’t find the lard. I took it out of the refrigerator accidentally and I didn’t want to look stupid. I’m trying to eat all my food alphabetically and I already finished off the almonds and anchovies. I’m lubricating the inside of my body so that my lungs work more smoothly. My friends were over […]Read More Why I Ate a Stick of Butter
Check the color. For example, if you are looking at bananas, check for a firm yellow texture with a little green at the top. If the banana is red at the top, it has probably been used as a murder weapon so DO NOT GET YOUR FINGERPRINTS ON IT. Tap watermelons: If they sound hollow, […]Read More Choosing Fresh Produce Can Be a Fruitless Endeavor
When grilling outdoors, remember not to pierce the sausages or over-flip the burgers; or, you might ruin the inedible chunks of charcoal you’ll be serving. Themed dinner parties are fine but avoid unappetizing themes such as the Medici family, historical infections and typhus. How do you determine when to break out the good china? Think […]Read More Dinner Party Advice from an Expert on Database Programming
My Big Fat Heroin-addict Mom: It is, in fact, the reality show to end all reality shows… at least I hope that’s what it does. A woman with a heroin habit and a compulsive eating disorder tries to juggle two kids… probably because she’s so high that she thinks they are oranges. If successful, the […]Read More New on Television, this Summer…
Rare: Really, the only way to eat steak. I eat it so rare, the steak sometimes tries to talk me out of eating it. So rare that, if I offered a five second head start, it would take it. I mean so rare that it is still capable of reproducing. I could go on. Medium […]Read More Ways to Eat Steak
If you feed your dog randomly, throughout the day, your dog will want food all the time; but, if you feed your dog on a strict schedule, it will only want food all the time… Cycle dog food varies its formula based on a dog’s age. Be careful! If you feed Cycle 4 to a […]Read More Thoughts on Dogs and their Food
[Granted, condors are in danger of extinction. But, which is more beneficial to us: The condor or the french fry? I delve into this question in the stunning expose below] Condors have a six foot wing span. French fries don’t have a wing span at all. Which is going to be easier to get through […]Read More Save the Condor? Save the French Fry!