Why I Ate a Stick of Butter

I couldn’t find the lard. I took it out of the refrigerator accidentally and I didn’t want to look stupid. I’m trying to eat all my food alphabetically and I already finished off the almonds and anchovies. I’m lubricating the inside of my body so that my lungs work more smoothly. My friends were over […]

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New on Television, this Summer…

My Big Fat Heroin-addict Mom: It is, in fact, the reality show to end all reality shows… at least I hope that’s what it does. A woman with a heroin habit and a compulsive eating disorder tries to juggle two kids… probably because she’s so high that she thinks they are oranges. If successful, the […]

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Ways to Eat Steak

Rare:  Really, the only way to eat steak.  I eat it so rare, the steak sometimes tries to talk me out of eating it.  So rare that, if I offered a five second head start, it would take it.  I mean so rare that it is still capable of reproducing.  I could go on. Medium […]

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