Secrets Mimes will Never Tell

Shields and Yarnell were mimes who performed in the seventies. They were given their own variety sketch show which was the most random act since 1945, when Salvador Dali ceded his power of attorney to a rice cooker. I saw an all-mime version of Key largo, once. It was pretty stupid but, when the hurricane […]

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Stuff I Used to Worry About

I used to worry about dying young; now, I just worry about dying. I used to worry about going bald; now, I just worry about my hat blowing off. I used to worry about getting fat; now, I just worry that I’m not worried about getting fat. I used to worry about being publicly humiliated; […]

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Stuff I Remember from My Childhood

I remember Space Food Sticks: Vitamin-fortified earwax in the shape of a Slim Jim. Great for playing astronaut; but, pretending to be a weightless guy with a slide rule pushing buttons got old quick… and so did Space Food Sticks. And, for dress shoes, we walked around on platform shoes which were technically stilts. You […]

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R. N. Domth Oughts

If I was being besieged in a castle in the middle ages, I’d try my hardest to convince the people surrounding me that THEY were the ones under siege and that they were going to be trapped out there FOREVER if they didn’t leave. She called me a “grade A rat” which was surprising because […]

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Bison Facts that I Once Herd

The bison is the largest mammal in North America, now that John Goodman has slimmed down. The bison is not a true buffalo. A real buffalo has a larger body and a certificate of authenticity. The Latin term for the American Bison is bovina bison bison. Zoologists wanted to make it bison bison bison to […]

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