Ich Will

I want one of those calves that is born with two heads because I already bought the two little hats. I want to have a lesbian relationship. I know that I’m a guy, but I think it would help me to relate… plus, I get tired of always being the one to open the pickle […]

Ways to Eat Steak

Rare: Really, the only way to eat steak. I eat it so rare, the steak sometimes tries to talk me out of eating it. So rare that, if I offered a five second head start, it would take it. I mean so rare that it is still capable of reproducing. I could go on. Medium […]

Junk in the Trunk, a Rant

They said that she had “junk in the trunk”; but, I think that this was a way to avoid talking about her large ass. Not that it was noticeable—Most of your attention was focused upon her face, which was flat and hard, like a surfboard, but with hair and eyes. I wouldn’t say that she […]

My Fruitless Quest for a Nobel Prize

It has long been a dream of mine to win a Nobel Prize. Well, time’s a wastin’ and I STILL don’t even have one. But, it was the LAST STRAW when my best friend and poker-buddy, Denis Mukwege Mukengere, won the Peace Prize for some nonsense about the treatment of women in Congolese war zones. […]

Thoughts on Dogs and their Food

If you feed your dog randomly, throughout the day, your dog will want food all the time; but, if you feed your dog on a strict schedule, it will only want food all the time… Cycle dog food varies its formula based on a dog’s age. Be careful! If you feed Cycle 4 to a […]