Ich Will

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I want one of those calves that is born with two heads because I already bought the two little hats.

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I want to have a lesbian relationship. I know that I’m a guy, but I think it would help me to relate… plus, I get tired of always being the one to open the pickle jars.

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I want to hunt the homeless for sport… not to hurt them but to kill them with KINDNESS. After we get them out of the nets, of course.

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I want a pet ladybug because there are a lot of aphids hanging around out in the parking lot and I don’t like the looks of them…

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I just want ONE posthumously-published book of poems signed by the author.

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I want to meet the girl of my dreams… the dream about the sweet pretty girl, not the one where the girl pulls her face off and throws it at me.

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I want a glow-in-the-dark catheter.

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I want that satisfied feeling that one gets after a good hard days work but I’d like to get it after a day of sitting in front of the television in my underwear.

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I want all those things that money just can’t buy; and, I’ll pay double for them.

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I want to live like there’s no tomorrow and live tomorrow like I really overreacted the previous day…

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17 thoughts on “Ich Will

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