I want to see Naples in the Springtime… still smoldering from a volcanic explosion… I want to weave baskets with Scarlett Johansson… and by “weave baskets” I mean “have sex” and by “have sex” I mean “shoot pool”. I want to drive in the Indianapolis 500, going the wrong way with my right blinker on. […]Read More A Bucket List to Die For
Hugh Jackman won an Emmy award for hosting the Tony Awards which is like a merit badge for getting the most merit badges. After getting a journalism degree at Sydney’s University of Technology, he pursued a drama career and caught it just before it could climb a fence and get away. He adopted a son […]Read More Fun Facts About Hugh Jackman
She complained that I was being pedantic. I replied, “Well, not exactly”. The pig-footed bandicoot went extinct in the 1950s. I like to think that, if I’d been there to stop it, I probably would’ve gotten distracted and let it happen anyway. Astronomers have spent a lot of time and effort to determine the origins […]Read More Leftovers Part 2: The Seduction of Ingrid Leftover
I recently saw a clip of an interview of Ben Shapiro by BBC interviewer Andrew Neil. It took a while for me to get around to it, because, whenever my dog hears Shapiro talk, she howls in pain… like when she hears an harmonica. It’s distressing but because Ben Shapiro is so slight, it might […]Read More Ben Shapiro: Intellectual Coward or Beloved Cartoon Character?
Richard Simmons: He is the opposite of terrifying, although if you found him in your laundry room with a net and some duct tape, you might feel some unease. A ghost needs to be somber and scary. They seldom sweat… even to the oldies… Keith Richards: He’d be terrible because you need to be able […]Read More People Who Would Make Awful Ghosts
Your parents tell you that you can wear the outfit in public, but, only if they can talk to your pimp first. When you go for a walk, you notice men accidentally wandering into traffic. Your cleavage is listed as one of your area’s landmarks. No one tells you that you look like a million […]Read More Are You Dressed Too Provocatively?
If you are in the water, steer clear of fishermen. If you are not in the water, steer clear of fishermen, anyway. If fish or turtles behave erratically, get out of the water. What is erratic behavior for a turtle? I’d imagine it would be running really really fast or trying to buy liquor without […]Read More How to Avoid Shark Attacks