Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes
Funnier than a sharp stink in your eye…
When Vladimir Putin sees a rat, he says, “Oh! A rat!”. When he sees Donald Trump he says, “Oh! An idiot!” Rats aren’t as interested in bankrupting farmers because RATS LOVE GRAIN SILOS. Most rats are pretty sure that there were no airports back in the year 1812… Rats don’t care about your religion or […]
Read More Comparing Our 45th President to a RatI’d rather have my nose stuffed with churros Than read William Burroughs. They told me his voice Resembled James Joyce And, that was true enough If Joyce was into porn, feces and snuff His was the only book I ever buyed That I felt compelled to hide So, thanks a bunch For Naked Lunch
Read More William Burroughs: A Hate Poem[mistermuse, don’t judge me too harshly] Part of listening to jazz is listening to the notes that are NOT being played, usually done after the band has gone home… Neurologists have found that listening to Dixieland Jazz lights up the same region of your brain that lights up when you are getting an injection directly […]
Read More Thoughts on Jazz[This one is mostly for math people because I don’t write for you… I write for ME. That’s right… ME! And, occasionally Deb… and sometimes Chelsea… but mostly for ME!] Irrational Number: Simply put, it’s an integer that is so overwrought that you have to slap it to calm it down. Imaginary Number: Designated by […]
Read More Mathematical Definitions that Simply Don’t Add UpThe Titanic was built for less than ten million dollars. It took two hundred million dollars to make the movie. You do the math. Yes, there is math… I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d FREAK OUT like you always do… The Titanic was nearly as long as three football fields. Unlike the Titanic, […]
Read More The Titanic Gives Me a Sinking FeelingDear Sir or Madame (or, if this is me reading this as I proof, screw you, Charlie!): I’ve long considered your company to be a paragon of quality and customer service, that, ten thousand years from now will be considered by anthropologists to be the the gold-standard for whatever it is you do. I no […]
Read More There’s Always a ComplaintSome states and municipalities excuse students from jury duty. Pretend to be a college student. Carry a backpack and use hip slang terms like “WTF” and “internet”. Plead financial hardship. Show up for jury duty wearing a barrel with suspenders. When asked why you shouldn’t have to serve, turn your pockets inside-out and look morose… […]
Read More It’s Your Civic Duty to Get Out of Jury Duty