Cliches Repurposed

I’d become that which I hated most: Liver and onions. And, to add insult to injury, he made fun of my broken arm… She was as cute as a button… a sexy button with a butt that wouldn’t quit. The kind of button you’d leave unbuttoned so everyone could see it on your lapel and […]

Can You Bear Some Bull on the Stock Market?

Stocks are essentially a roulette game where everyone but you already knows where the ball is going. Remember, it’s not a bad idea at all to base the health of one’s economy on a bunch of guys in suits all yelling in a big room. Investing in the stock market will bring YOU to the […]

The Terrors of Malt Liquor

Malt liquor is simply beer with a high alcohol content that tastes like a decayed body in a swamp… It is customary, when drinking “forties” with friends, to pour a little onto the ground for friends who have died. If none of your friends have died, take heart… drinking malt liquor should kill one or […]

Youth, and How to Run Screaming from it

Youth, they say, is wasted on the young… but, if you give it to the elderly, they’ll just break a hip trying to use it. After attending my granddaughter’s second birthday party (she’s fifty but has only had two actual parties), I’ve been thinking about youth. I don’t see myself as wanting my youth back… […]

What it Means to be a REAL Man

It means we will react violently if we feel insulted enough. Oddly enough, how insulted we feel is inversely proportional to how big and scary the guy insulting us is… It means that we will NEVER ask for directions, use a map or follow street signs. We navigate like our fathers did: By driving around […]