Stuff You Don’t Know about Me

I tried phone-sex only once but I couldn’t figure out where to put the phone. Improvising only made it more unpleasant and a little humiliating… ♥ I once stalked and killed a three-hundred pound big horn sheep… best experience of my LIFE; but, I don’t think I’ll be doing it a second time now that […]

Artificial Intelligence

Artificial intelligence is a lot like having children. You feel like you REALLY want kids; but, when the first one is born, the only emotion you feel is an existential horror knowing you’ll be supporting this human well into their forties. We looked forward to artificial intelligence with that same emotion. It was going to […]

Love and Ann

Our love grew more each day. Each business day… then, at midnight Friday, our love dropped sharply off until midnight Sunday. I remember one Sunday morning waking up to find that she’d tattooed two eyes on my forehead. This drove my dog crazy because she didn’t know where to look when I talked to her. […]

What You Can Do Stuck at Home Waiting for the Apocalypse

Force your children to learn Navajo. Prioritize all the household projects you have. That way, when you go back to work, you’ll know which of them to feel guiltiest about not doing. Watch five minutes of each of your cable channels in order… except Lifetime. That would be cruel. Meditate until you become enlightened… check […]

Writing Tips!

Write every day. If a million monkeys with a million typewriters can eventually produce Hamlet, you should be able to write something that isn’t total crap because–are you dumber than a monkey? Write what you want to write about instead of what the market demands. This way, you can keep your integrity, which can be […]