What You Can Do Stuck at Home Waiting for the Apocalypse

St. Vincent and St. Mary of the Crown Catholic Churches ...

Force your children to learn Navajo.

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Prioritize all the household projects you have. That way, when you go back to work, you’ll know which of them to feel guiltiest about not doing.

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Watch five minutes of each of your cable channels in order… except Lifetime. That would be cruel.

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Meditate until you become enlightened… check how long it took. Then, commit a venial sin, start meditating and see if you can beat your old time.

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Lay out your work clothes for your first two weeks of work that will come up next year, some time…

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Read through Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity to see if he mentions you by name…

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Build a sex doll out of foam rubber and duct tape; then, cover it with hand sanitizer and tie it off in a plastic trash bag.

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See how many different ways you can prepare Ramen noodles. If you come up with more than one, let me know because that’s where I peaked.

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You know that novel you always felt you had in you? Well, NOW is the time to come up with a title to the first chapter.

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Set up a calisthenics program for your children. If they complain to each other in Navajo, then you’ve done your job as a parent.

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Try to keep your sanity and a sense of hope. This will pass soon and we’ll be able to get back to trying to kill one another on the highway or stabbing each other in the back at work…

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Spell check your dictionaries…

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24 thoughts on “What You Can Do Stuck at Home Waiting for the Apocalypse

  1. That list hit a little too close to home. I’m pretty sure I don’t need to read Einstein to know for certain that he mentions me by name though. Because why wouldn’t he?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. The beat your old time meditation one made me laugh out loud. I swear I am running out of house projects to do. I think this will be the best my yard will ever look (considering I own a moronic lab).

    Liked by 1 person

      1. No joke, just F.Y.I.: There’s a recipe for “Asian cole slaw,” kind of a sweet and sour slaw, and one of the ingredients is uncooked Ramen noodles. They add a nice crunch. (Definitely better if you eat it sooner rather than later – noodles get soggy.) Sorry I don’t have the recipe, but I rarely use recipes, I just cook intuitively, and I like the texture of raw Ramen.

        Like

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