Junk in the Trunk, a Rant

They said that she had “junk in the trunk”; but, I think that this was a way to avoid talking about her large ass. Not that it was noticeable—Most of your attention was focused upon her face, which was flat and hard, like a surfboard, but with hair and eyes. I wouldn’t say that she […]

My Fruitless Quest for a Nobel Prize

It has long been a dream of mine to win a Nobel Prize. Well, time’s a wastin’ and I STILL don’t even have one. But, it was the LAST STRAW when my best friend and poker-buddy, Denis Mukwege Mukengere, won the Peace Prize for some nonsense about the treatment of women in Congolese war zones. […]

Thoughts on Dogs and their Food

If you feed your dog randomly, throughout the day, your dog will want food all the time; but, if you feed your dog on a strict schedule, it will only want food all the time… Cycle dog food varies its formula based on a dog’s age. Be careful! If you feed Cycle 4 to a […]

Pants Party: A Rant

What if there were a party in your pants and everyone was invited, but nobody came? Good luck getting the caterer to take that food back! Even if you could persuade them that it never actually touched your underwear, there are food-handing laws, even in the most backward states…states where parties are NEVER held in […]

Scars and How You Get Them

[In the movie, The Dark Knight, The Joker asks various people, “Wanna know how I got these scars?” and spins a different story to each person. Here are the real answers to: Wanna know how I got these scars? I was teaching my dog how to catch a Frisbee. I was a sword […]