The Super-intelligent Bio-Engineered Dog Days of August

Dear Genetically-Modified Bio-Engineered Dog: There’s a dead body outside on my front porch. Should I go out and investigate or just turn on the sprinklers and hope that it floats away? Alice in Dallas Dear Alice, Check through the window. If the head of the body is nearest your door, the person might’ve been killed […]

Ask a Genetically-Modified Bio-engineered Super-intelligent Dog, Pt 6

Dear Genetically-Modified Bio-engineered Super-intelligent Dog, Despite my inviting her, my sister-in-law attended my wedding, which I thought was very selfish of her. That was MY DAY. It was SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT ME. But, there she sat in the second row, coyly staying quiet enough to be interesting to all those around her. My friends […]

Get Terse Medical Advice from a Llama

[Note: The Super-intelligent Bio-engineered Dog is not available due to a misunderstanding over yellow-cake uranium. But, a random llama has offered to stand in] Dear Terse Llama, My husband has recently started thinking that he is an animal. He sneaks into our neighbor’s chicken coop and eats the man’s chickens. Is he crazy? Wit’s End […]

Ask a Super-intelligent Bio-engineered Dog Part 4: The Doggening of David Dogg

Dear Super-intelligent Bio-engineered Dog, We’ve just had our second child, who doesn’t look like me; and, now my wife is trying to convince me that Chinese is a recessive gene. She makes a compelling argument, but I’m a little skeptical. San Francisco Dad of Two (?) Dear Dad, You are right to be skeptical. The […]

Ask a Biologically-enhanced Super-intelligent Dog (Part 4, The Doggoning)

Dear Super Intelligent Dog (etc etc etc) my partner has taken to sharing our bed with a cat. What should I do? Also is it illegal to bury my partner on the backyard? – Deb Down Under Dear Ms. Under, First, there is no problem with sharing a bed with a cat, provided you aren’t […]

Advice Column Advice

To my readers and to those who just come here to see if I mentioned them at all: I’m planning on writing another advice column featuring the biologically-enhanced super-intelligent dog, and I thought some of you might want to offer questions for her. If so, put them into the comments below… Ask a Bio-engineered Super-intelligent […]

Ask a Bio-engineered Super-intelligent Dog, Speed Round

Q. My daughter is pregnant and I’m not happy about it. What should I do? A. Don’t worry. Your daughter’s condition should be back to normal in eight or nine months. If it isn’t, she’s probably just fat. Q. What is a good name for a pet spider? A. “Mr. Spider” Q. That’s not a […]