Ten Reasons You Cannot Get that Job You Want

Your resume is scribbled on the back of a Dove Bar wrapper. At the point in your interview where the recruiter asks if YOU have any questions, you respond with, “Oh, you’ve been talking to ME?” You list Hackey-Sack as one of your skills. You call your interviewer, “Ted”, despite the fact that she’s clearly […]

How to Avoid Ruining Your Life by Making a Racist Rant in Public

1. Don’t have a racist rant in public. 2. Try to avoid having any friends who might identify you to the press after the video hits Youtube. Fortunately, as a racist with no impulse control, you probably have few friends. 3. Pretend that you were misheard. Example: “I didn’t say Trump would kill all Asians… […]

Terse Llama’s Second Covid Advice Page

Dear Terse Llama, Just after the “stay-at-home order”, my wife issued a “now do all the chores you’ve been avoiding order”. I’ve carefully weighed out my options and I think a one in twenty chance of dying by suffocation would be far less unpleasant than trimming the hedges in my front and side yard. Can […]

More Rules to Live by

The more arrogant the speaker, the more punchable the face. Two can live as cheaply as one and three quarters. Time really flies when you are about to be executed. It’s an ill wind that blows nobody any good; it’s an iller wind that blows your trash cans into your koi pond. You can catch […]

Ask a Genetically-Modified, Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog, Part ?

Dear Genetically-Modified, Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog, Can you play dead? And, are you a good dog? Who’s a good dog? WHO’S a good DOG? Enthusiastic in Jasto Dear Jasto, Good and evil are subjective constructs; however, I did fake my death in Cancun seven years ago for the insurance money. Dear Genetically-Modified, Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog, I […]