Socially Acceptable Ways to Kill Yourself

Full Contact Karate: Well… full-contact anything, for that matter. I tried this and found out that, even though the audience can’t hear that kick reverberate through my head, it’s an experience that I’ll never forget… although, if I’d been kicked a little harder I might have… ֍ Drinking Contests: Alcohol is a drug that you […]

Thoughts on Memory that You’ll Never Forget

Scientists think that our first memories come when we are still in the womb; that explains my memory of the muffled sound of vomiting and Buddy Holly music. ֎ You can keep a list of about seven items in your short term memory, which lasts about half a minute. Most short term memories are quickly […]

Random, Queen of Thoughts

Never have more on your plate than will fit in your lap. ☼ There’s a time and a place for obsessing about vegetables; and, that time is always and that place is radishes. ☼ If you are going to say something but are not sure if it’s intolerant or mean, just replace every other word […]

Fire Extinguisher Instructions Written By:

Drill Instructor: Pull safety ring from trigger What are you doing? We’ve got women can do that better than you. From now on your fire extinguisher’s name is “Janet” Step back and spray burning area Now, you will do fifty pushups! Donald Trump: Pull safety ring from trigger You know firemen saw me handling a […]

Ask a Genetically-Modified Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog: Low Fat Version

Dear Genetically-Modified Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog, My boyfriend likes to sing along with the radio when we are in the car together; but, he only likes to sing along with the all-news channels. The other day, he was singing the NASDAQ to the tune of “Body and Soul”… I know I’m being overly sensitive, but now, […]