More and More Medical Advice from a Terse Llama

Dear Terse Llama, The lump on my chest is getting larger while the lump on my back is getting smaller. What is happening to my body? Terrified in Tehran Dear Tehran, You are sleeping on a broomstick. ♦ Dear Terse Llama, My arthritis is in full force. I’ve tried every possible cure: Fish oil, flax […]

Sage Thinks, Man Blinks, Love Stinks

Hold tightly to the one you love. When they stop kicking, stash the body somewhere and find another victim. ♥ Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Being deeply loved by someone who has bad judgment gives you herpes. ♥ You need nothing more than to be […]

Ask a Bio-Engineered [blah blah blah] Dog

Dear Bio-Engineered, Genetically-Modified Super-Intelligent Dog, I know that my husband hasn’t paid his income taxes in years. If I turn him in, I hear that the IRS will give me a portion of the money they recover. This money would be very helpful in paying some of our bills and getting our life on track. […]

Still Still More Advice from my Great Grandpappy

It’s best to avoid renting an apartment that has the term “urine-soaked” anywhere in the description. Never buy hamburger from a bad-tempered butcher. The rule of thumb is: For every two zucchini plants you grow, you should make one new friend who really likes eating zucchini. If your landlord stops by to pick up the […]

In Praise of Older Women

Older women are no longer looking for “Mr. Right” or “Mr. Acceptable”. They are looking for “Mr. Anybody Because My Last Egg is about to Drop”. I am that anybody! As I get older and tire more easily, older women sleep less and have more energy; because, menopause is nature’s methamphetamine… Older women like to […]