More Advice from My Dear Ol’ Grandpappy

If you start a diatribe with “I’m not racist, but…” you should probably end it by signing someone else’s name to it. Never give up your passion for learning. It is, however, okay to give up your passion for remembering what you’ve learned. Get someone to PAY you to do what you love. This is […]

Ask a Genetically-Modified Bio-Engineered Dog: The Aww-edition

Dear Genetically-Enhanced Bio-Engineered Dog, I’m a professor at a small mid-western university and lately I have been subjected to appropriate advances from one of my students. She KNOWS I’m a professor and yet she continues to make comments to me that are well within social norms and acceptability. How do I explain to her that […]

The Super-intelligent Bio-Engineered Dog Days of August

Dear Genetically-Modified Bio-Engineered Dog: There’s a dead body outside on my front porch. Should I go out and investigate or just turn on the sprinklers and hope that it floats away? Alice in Dallas Dear Alice, Check through the window. If the head of the body is nearest your door, the person might’ve been killed […]

Ask a Genetically-Modified Bio-engineered Super-intelligent Dog, Pt 6

Dear Genetically-Modified Bio-engineered Super-intelligent Dog, Despite my inviting her, my sister-in-law attended my wedding, which I thought was very selfish of her. That was MY DAY. It was SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT ME. But, there she sat in the second row, coyly staying quiet enough to be interesting to all those around her. My friends […]

Get Terse Medical Advice from a Llama

[Note: The Super-intelligent Bio-engineered Dog is not available due to a misunderstanding over yellow-cake uranium. But, a random llama has offered to stand in] Dear Terse Llama, My husband has recently started thinking that he is an animal. He sneaks into our neighbor’s chicken coop and eats the man’s chickens. Is he crazy? Wit’s End […]

Ask a Super-intelligent Bio-engineered Dog Part 4: The Doggening of David Dogg

Dear Super-intelligent Bio-engineered Dog, We’ve just had our second child, who doesn’t look like me; and, now my wife is trying to convince me that Chinese is a recessive gene. She makes a compelling argument, but I’m a little skeptical. San Francisco Dad of Two (?) Dear Dad, You are right to be skeptical. The […]

Ask a Biologically-enhanced Super-intelligent Dog (Part 4, The Doggoning)

Dear Super Intelligent Dog (etc etc etc) my partner has taken to sharing our bed with a cat. What should I do? Also is it illegal to bury my partner on the backyard? – Deb Down Under Dear Ms. Under, First, there is no problem with sharing a bed with a cat, provided you aren’t […]