I Refuse to Work Hard on this List for Sloth

When people started trying to avoid sinning by staying in bed all day and doing nothing, sloth was added to the deadly sins in a technique known as “damning on the curve”. At monasteries of all religions, idleness is frowned upon. Fortunately, that doesn’t deter really lazy people because they seldom expend the energy to […]

Stupid Animals: A Poem

They say pigs are awfully clever but, can they do your taxes? No, never! . They say the smartest birds are crows but, how one got stuck in my chimney nobody knows. . They say an elephant never forgets But, if they were smarter, they’d make better pets. . If a dog were smartes […]

Another Damned Animal Essay

Yes, it’s the Surinam Toad… Thanks to Deb Whittam for the idea.

The Giant Otter

This is your lucky day! My essay on Giant Otters is complete and the Nobel Prize committee is VERY interested… The Aquatic Ferocity of the Giant Otter

Is a Raccoon the Pet for You?

A raccoon is a wild animal. I cannot stress this enough. A RACCOON IS A WILD ANIMAL. Understand? You do? Well then, I apparently stressed it enough. Raccoon feces makes a good fertilizer. If you have a raccoon as a pet, you won’t even need to leave your home to collect it. Veterinarians who treat […]

How to Avoid Shark Attacks

If you are in the water, steer clear of fishermen. If you are not in the water, steer clear of fishermen, anyway. If fish or turtles behave erratically, get out of the water. What is erratic behavior for a turtle? I’d imagine it would be running really really fast or trying to buy liquor without […]

I Will Sheryl Facts About Crows

Crows are tool-users. The tools that they use aren’t as complex as the ones we use; on the other hand, they seldom put out an eye or cut off a toe with their tools. Crows, by proportion, have brains the size of those of chimpanzees. This means that if a crow were the size of […]