[I’m not going to tell you who forced me to write on such a ridiculous topic, but her site is right here] It’s frivolous and keeps ducks from doing their real jobs: Selling supplemental health insurance. If they forget to take them off and go home to their ponds afterwards, their tap shoes will drag […]Read More Why Ducks Shouldn’t Tap Dance
A veterinarian was complaining to a friend about a patient of his: “I’m treating this stag who has a split personality. He had a hundred thousand personalities when I started treating him; and now, he’s got ten TIMES that” The friend asked if he could see the animal and the vet took him to the […]Read More A Bad Joke, but from the Hart
The Ornate Facetiousness of the Hammerhead FlatwormRead More It’s Gross Animal Time Again!
[Okay… this one is “experimental”, which is code for “pretty crappy”. I came up with the title first and then tried to come up with ten items. Don’t read these ’til you’ve had your coffee…] Why is there a rhinoceros-shaped hole in my wall? Because… I bought the wrong pet door. I was holding a […]Read More Why is There a Rhinoceros-Shaped Hole in my Wall?
When people started trying to avoid sinning by staying in bed all day and doing nothing, sloth was added to the deadly sins in a technique known as “damning on the curve”. At monasteries of all religions, idleness is frowned upon. Fortunately, that doesn’t deter really lazy people because they seldom expend the energy to […]Read More I Refuse to Work Hard on this List for Sloth
They say pigs are awfully clever but, can they do your taxes? No, never! . They say the smartest birds are crows but, how one got stuck in my chimney nobody knows. . They say an elephant never forgets But, if they were smarter, they’d make better pets. . If a dog were smartes […]Read More Stupid Animals: A Poem
Yes, it’s the Surinam Toad… Thanks to Deb Whittam for the idea.Read More Another Damned Animal Essay